a country drive to trentham

so my mum felt bad for me not having a car at the moment so she invited me to go with her on a drive today. Well, i was going to stay home and read twilight all day... but i knew it would be a good day out.

Mum wanted to ask the owners of a house in trentham what colour paint they used on the exterior of their house... but they weren't home so she snuck around like a robber haha

then we went to this place that sells all of the fittings and furniture from demolished houses. It was awesome:









i only spent $4 on a pasta cutter for making ravioli, but it looks nice, and the thought of making ravioli is even nicer!

after that we stopped at a tea house...




and had some tea...

then we found a cool bakery called "Red Beard Bakery" that sold all kinds of goodies, including this organic beef and veggie pie which we ate in the car on the way home. 4pm was quite a late lunch:


oh yummmm. i wish i had another one! i have a sausage roll as well which i might heat up soon. It's now 8pm and i am hungry for dinner. Strangely i'm home alone, and even more strangely i'm not reading twilight, haha. I will toss up between twilight and a movie soon... but first i must eat!! peace!

mum's house

hi everyone! I doubt this is interesting to many of you, but these pics are to show my family overseas how my mum's house is progressing! If you remember i wrote about her house burning down here. That link will show you the original pictures before any re-building started. I went around there today to check out the progress. Apparently it is about 2 months away from finished :)















it was fun to climb around in there, yessir! It sure is a big job, but i have a feeling it will look amazing at the end!

le time has le come

Good Evening all you kawaii (cute) and SEKUSHI (sexy) beasties. So it has been an eventful day so far. In case you are interested, i awoke PRE-10am (on a saturday!) to do some last minute cleaning for the inspection, then settled in to read some more NEW MOON! It is getting good people, and I am still Team Edward fo shizz. Jacob can lick my bumhole.

After the inspection was over i decided to make Minestrone soup as well as vegan banana cake. I realised this would be a problem because i was out of onions and had to get some pear juice for the cake. So i hopped in my trusty car to zip down to the supermarket. I had nearly reached my destination when my car broke down. yes sir. after much stuffing around on my part calling my dad for help etc the RACV showed up and said i'd need to get it towed and that the ignition device or something was faulty. fuck. I ended up getting my onions etc and also got some chamomile tea so i could relax (yah riiiiight) and eventually got back home. I put Aladdin on to wash away the badness of this terribly annoying fucking stupid situation. i sung along to all my childhood faves as i made the soup and cake, and now i am really beat.

Chester was sitting beside me just now licking his groin, and it got me thinking of all the provocative poses he makes. i should take pics of him and sell it to other cats as porn.

Speaking of strange porn, here are some bike porn shots of my girl Mary-Jane:








oh mumma, check out those whitewall tires. oh yeah, grease up those chains baby. that's it, that's it, turn it up a gear! ok i may be freaking out.

Anyway i thought i should introduce you to sweet Mary-Jane (in a non pot-smoking way) as she is now my mode of transport for the next few days. Haha watch me be a hermit to avoid the physical exertion. Well i have to take some photos of the food i made. maybe tomorrow i'll put it up. I'm a bit flat atm tbh ttm omg.. enough of that!!! uhhh yes anyway i have my friends bday tonight and was goign to try to pincurl my hair or something cool but now i am too tired to even put pants on. just joking i am wearing pants :)

I have this theory. The world is punishing me for loving twilight. My relationships are shifting ever so slightly due to the fact that the person does or does not love it also. At work I have more to talk about with the 2 twilight girls. Last night at a girly sleepover it was all i could think about and i kept whispering to Maslin (who loves it too), nobody else cared for our secret edward whispers. Josh and Maki tease me, Maki calls it "Chick Crack" which is exactly what it is. I just can not stop. All these bad things seem to be happening lately though, apart from the car break in and break down i also BROKE the fucking can opener. who does that? i am being punished for being so happy whilst reading twilight sadly. ugh. got to go

MLIT = WOW

Haha, i got told about this site called "My life is Twilight" or "MLIT" today so I checked it out. It consists of random people describing how their whole lives revolve around twilight. Here are some of my faves:

The other day my youth group and I were asking each other funny questions about God. One of my guy friends asked "What kind of car does God drive?" I immediately yelled "A silver, Volvo." Oh yes... MLIT

Today in gym class we were playing sports trivia. My teacher asked me what major event happened in 1918, of course I replied "ummmm... Edward became a vampire!" Apparently that wasn't the right answer. 15 dirty looks later, it was still worth it! MLIT

Today, I realize the only reason I am dating my bf is because he looks and sounds like Jacob Black, but his name is Edward. MLITotallyT

Today, I realized that whenever I eat food, I feel guilty and regret it because I think it might make me seem unattractive to a vampire. MLIT

Today i was coughing like crazy and my brother comes running and yells in a joking way "Do we need to get you to a doctor?!" and all i can say between coughs is "CALL CARLISLE!!!" Its funny how the first thing that comes to my mind is twilight and not OMG im choking. MLI(always)T.

A month ago, my sister started dating someone who looks a lot like Edward Cullen. For the past month, I've been subtly flirting and "accidentally" pouring sparkles on him. Today, my sister found out, and she told me to stay away from her boyfriend. Nothing can stop the path of true love. MLIT

Makes me laugh. Makes me want to read more. Oh god, what has become of me?? ^_^

a letter of hate

Dear Scumbag Fuckfaces who broke into my car,

I hate you. I don't actually know you, but I can confidently say that I hate you.

The reason for my hate stems from the fact that you have invaded my privacy twice now, and I am assuming you felt no remorse for this. The first time, you felt it was a mad idea to break into my car in my own driveway and steal my CD Player which I got as a present and all my CDs. Awesome. Not only was I now fearful for the security of my car, i was also mildly afraid for my life and all the possessions in my home. If I were to make a list of the Top 5 people I would never want in my house, you would be on it. Lemme break it down for you...

5) THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS
4) A CREEPY OLD MAN AFTER MY FLESH (ANY)
3) SNOOP DOGG
2) KEVIN BACON
1) YOU AND YOUR SICK FUCK FRIENDS

I didn't really let myself get too worked up about the incident as I was running late for work when I stumbled across the evidence of your late-night visit. However, when I realised that you stole my PEZ from the car I was utterly shocked. Why would you possibly want my PEZ re-fill? I had to laugh when I remembered that little packet of PEZ had been living in the bottom of my handbag for a few months and was covered in perfume, lip gloss, and other bag content residue. I was secretly chuffed 2 days later when I saw the PEZ laying in the grass of my front lawn. Obviously upon closer inspection you realised that it was not as desirable as you had previously thought. Hazah! It was like I planned it all along. A small disappointment for you there, albeit paled by comparison to my own disappointment that fateful morn. Looks like you'll have to get your sugar fix elsewhere, junkie!

So, needless to say, I didn't see the point in replacing the CD Player any time soon. I worried that you would just come back and take my new one. Plus you only took the face-plate. You fucking stupid idiot. Not only could you probably not sell it to anyone unless they have the actual CD player to correspond, it makes it tricky for me to get a new face-plate too. I will just have to buy a whole new CD player and get the useless old half-one removed to make way. Then what to I do with the old one? I will leave it beside my bed so that next time you come skulking around my lawn I can throw it at your toothless head!

The second time you broke into my car was 3 days ago at my local train station. I often see evidence of your handywork scattered in little piles across the vast carpark. I had always thought that perhaps one break-in was enough for me. I thought my Karma balance was pretty good. Apparently not on Tuesday, it wasn't. I approached my car which was waaaaaaaay at the very far reaches of the carpark and when I got to the drivers side, it was like de ja vu, the little button was popped up. Joy. I swore under my breath as I opened the door and sat in the drivers seat, looking around in despair at the mess you made as you emptied the contents of my bin all over the floor. I must admit I was happy that you didn't take anything this time. Not that I had anything of value, but it didn't stop you last time from taking my precious PEZ, you fucker. So I guess, thanks for not smashing any glass to get in, and for obviously having done your homework to find out that my old car will open with just about any key. Yet, on the other hand, fuck you. fuck you SO MUCH and go suck on a horse's balls for creeping me out.

Here I am, assuming that you are some derro bogan junkie fuck, but you may not be. I just can't imagine why else you would be skulking around in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep, or in the middle of the day when everyone is at work. I don't like to generalise but what is clear is that you are a peice of shit. You may have a job, you may have 12 kids and need the extra cash. Maybe. Probably not. Anyway...

Because I don't really know where you live, I am going to assume it is in the dark depths of the Western Suburbian sewers, so I shall make a point of dropping this down the drain tonight addressed to yours truly. Hopefully it gets to you! I feel confident that you wont track me down as doing this is your job, and you must have so many clients that you begin to forget them after time, right? So I hope you enjoy this letter, and remember that the world thinks you are a:


Much Hate, Hope we never meet again,
Jade
*stab* *stab* *stab*

movin' on

Well folks, part of the reason I was so busy last weekend was because my mums house (where josh, myself, hayden and maki live) is now on the market and the real estate agents were coming to take pics of it. We aren't messy tenants by any stretch of the imagination but we had to clean up first. Man i should have taken before shots!!! fuck. anyway here are the after shots:


10 points if you spotted Chester trying to photobomb but got camoflaged by the fence!

note: I secretly built that bookcase with my dad and brother to give to Josh for his 21st :) I also made a 20 minute DVD about him including intervews with his friends and lots of slander. Best girlfriend everrrrrr!!!

aaah the relaxing backyard with about a third of the sprawling pumpkin patch on the left there. Also i can see my bike "Mary-Jane" there, my weber bbq that i got for my 21st bday, the 2 old recliners my grandpa gave us when he moved into the nursing home, my trusty blue portable hammock, omg also my dressing screen that is half finished, and maki's inverter device. I have taken photos of all these characters in my life but have not yet introduced you properly! One day.

So the plan is that when we shift to MY HOUSE in May, it is going to be equally as awesome, if not even more awesome. There is no outdoor area there yet. I will have to get creative. Hold onto your Butts...

Anyway I could prob take photos of the house as it is now, and it will look like the before shots haha. Will have to have another clean before the Open house inspection on Saturday arvo!!

If you want to purchase this house please send me 2 million dollars and a can of coke cos i'm thirsty. thank you.

lunchtime adventure: the beast must feed

Mutha Truckazz UNITE! HOO! I am in a bit of a strange mood today, guys. My mood is bouncing around between the labels: Lothargic, Hypo, Genius, and Jive. I may have just written words that sounded good there, i can't really think straight.

So last night the work crew and I went out for dinner and to an Old Melbourne Gaol night tour to test out the product for work-related reasons. It was pretty creepy! There was a creepy almost-middle-aged portly guy working there with long red/grey hair and a beard -no i didnt want to fellate him. As my friend michelle would say: "He was no Rupert Grint, right Jade?". This guy had less than 0% people skills somehow. He noticed the pram my boss had with him and was like "Uh...is there an...*shudder*...infant... here?". who the fuck calls babies or toddlers INFANTS conversationally?? Maybe back in 1800 or so, jesus christ. Anyway he was kind of like the host . He had to address us as a group but did not look ANYONE in the eye at any point during his sickeningly pertinent laying down the law speech. He instead looked to the top right corner of his field of vision with his eyebrows raised so patronizingly superior. How i longed to slap him! The creepiest part was that he stalked around the dark gaol ringing a bell from the shadows while our guide showed us around. He was watching us in the background.. anyway what am I talking about? Oh yes, so after all of that I went to see Josh's band play a gig at the Arthouse. They were headlining so were on at 11pm - midnight. I was allowed to stay at work so that i could get enough sleep and be here for my 8.30am start :) Woo hoooo! My bosses are cool like that sometimes!

So for some reason i woke up as crazy jade today. I think it's cos i didnt see sunlight or smell fresh air until i went on my lunch break at 1.30pm. So it was here at my desk in those few minutes before I left the office that I finally decided what the beast (me when i am hungry) needed. BRATWURST. oh and also i had to pick up a few supplies for the dinner party tonight which i will explain laterz..

So I headed to the Queen Victoria Market where at lunch-time the place is rampant with hungry office workers and backpackers, and FUCKING SLOW OLD PEOPLE IN GROUPS WHO WALK SO SLOW THAT I WANT TO TEAR MY FACE OFF!!! That is very rude of me. But when I am hungry I get quite rude. Among all the fresh produce, you will find some great lunch places like the Borek shop, the juice bar, take-away shops and THE BRATWURST SHOP. That's where i was headed, and i was sooo hungry.

I thought first i should get my obligations out of the way, so i picked up the fresh pasta (dairy free - go Hayden you lucky vegan!) for dinner and some basil and parsley to make some pesto with. I picked the basil and garlic papardelle :)

Then it was time to feast. But not quite yet. I had to find a den where i could protect my food from the prying eyes of other hungry lunch-goers. Here is what $5.80 AUD got me today :)

Pork Pepper sausage with medium mustard, tomato sauce and sauerkraut. mmmmmmmmmmmm

I hurried back towards work to eat it - well i tried to but i think everyone around me could sense i was in a hurry so the fuckers walked slower and in chains of 3 across the sidewalk. It was an actual obstacle course, but i managed to get back fairly quickly to satiate my hunger. When i entered the office i looked on, in horror, as my boss was sitting at my desk using my computer. I know i had subarashiiblog open, but maybe just minimised. I usually post in my lunchbreak or if there actually is nothing for me to do at the time. I hope if he is reading this now somehow he will think of all the work i do when it is busy haha. Anyway he said he needed to use some program that only i have and asked if i had to eat at my desk. well i didn't really, but i didnt want him reading my blog either. I said quite nonchalantly that the rooftop would be adequate for me to dine on. So off i went...

This ancient lift was going to test my patience, i just knew it. It stops at every level and goes up and down in a seemingly random order. And if there was anyone else in the lift with me, they would be able to smell the bratwurst i was clutching in my hungry claws and want some for sure. And i was not prepared to share. I was practicing my protective growl when the doors opened for me, and the girl that exited eyed off my pork sausage. it was all i could do to not trip her over and run.

Finally i was alone (sort of) with my lunch, and i was preparing to feast. I was thinking about the best way to eat it. If i just opened wide and slid it down my throat with my index finger it would probably kill me, so i thought i would eat it in the conventional way and try to do it as lady-like as possible despite the urge to rape it with my face and mouth.

When i said i was sort of alone, I meant there were backpackers near me without their shirts.

Paparazzi or what? The presence of other people made me eat it very slowly and cleanly. I couldn't smash my face into it like a lion into a zebra's belly. Oh well.

So now I am full and content and am about to do lots of productive work- if you are reading this, boss.

Oh yes, tonight Maki has invited his family over for dinner. So there is going to be Maki, his mum, dad, brother, girlfriend, Josh, Hayden and Meeeeeeee. Wowza! I think i will have to hurry home so i can help get things ready. I don't doubt the boys will have it under control but I might just clean up and make the place smell good :) how exciting!

PEACE OUT!

Jade

mutant baby pumpkin and risotto

Ok so last night, after going to the supermarket for supplies, I made a lovely mushroom risotto for dinner! This one in the picture is not vegan but i made some for Hayden that was vegan. Just made sure the wine was certified vegan and used nuttelex, and grated "cheezly" at the end. In our slaughterhouse one i put some grated tasty cheese and at the end 1 egg. As Gollum would say: "murderer...."

anyway here was my dinner:

And while that was cooking i remembered I had said that I would take a picture of the giant pumpkin next to my head. I was a little flustered from cooking and didnt want the rice to catch so i took a couple of quick shots. This was by far the best but I still look creepier than the pumpkin hehe

Anyway. I had never given it much thought but apparently winemakers sometimes use animal products in the process of making wine. I have done a little research on Australian Vegan Wines, so if you are ever headed to a Vegan Dinner Party, check out these common Aussie beverages which happen to be le vegan...

WHITE:

Brown Brothers Sauvignon Blanc
Brown Brothers Victorian Chardonnay

Hardys Cabernet Sauvignon 2001
Hardys Nottage Hill Chardonnay

Wolf Blass Yellow Label Cabernet Sauvignon 1994 (if you can find it)
Yalumba Oxford Landing Chardonnay

RED:

Brown Brothers Barbera
Brown Brothers Cienna
Brown Brothers Dolcetto & Syrah

Brown Brothers Pinot Grigio
Brown Brothers Pinot Gris

Brown Brothers Tarrango

Brown Brothers Tempranillo
Brown Brothers Victorian Shiraz

Hardys Barossa Valley Shiraz

Yalumba Oxford Landing Cabernet Sauvignon Shiraz
Yalumba Oxford Landing Merlot
Yalumba Oxford Landing Shiraz
Yellowtail Cabernet Merlot
Yellowtail Cabernet Sauvignon
Yellowtail Merlot
Yellowtail Shiraz
Yellowtail Shiraz Cabernet Sauvignon
Yellowtail Shiraz Grenache

SPARKLING:

Brown Brothers Non Vintage Pinot Chardonnay
Brown Brothers Patricia Pinot Chardonnay
Brown Brothers Sparkling Shiraz
Hardys Nottage Hill Chardonnay

BEER:

Boags (any)

Coopers (Pale Ale)

Corona

Hahn (any)

Heineken

James Squire (any)

Little Creatures (Beer is fine, but Pipsqueak Cider is not vegan)

Mountain Goat (any)

Tooheys (any)

XXXX (any)

weee, now when its my turn to buy the next slab i will know what to get! there are probz more but i am running out of time to research hehe

patongatong

howdy-doody! well i have to say that my current obsession with twilight is in full swing. Dragana at work has sent me this PDF for part of a book that the Twilight author was writing. It is basically the first book written in Edwards perspective. It got leaked on the net and she cracked the shits and said she wasn't going to write it anymore. We'll see. Anyway i have been reading that, falling ever more in love with edward, and have not had much time for my other procrastinations :) BUT i did make that flighty promise last Friday to dazzle you with lots of subarashii things, so here are a few pics from over the weekend...

1) I saw this uber creepy sailor doll at the Daylesford Mill Market on Saturday...

2) One of my purchases from the market - yet another chair.


This one was also $5 , and I honestly don't know how it is still standing - it is so ricketty and ancient. I was looking for a little table or magazine stand i could put in the bathroom as i often find books and magazines left on the bathroom floor or hallway floor. This way they are off the germy floor and looks gresh! country homes magazine- eat you heart out. that is a weird expression. Eat... your... heart out... eew.

Also on Saturday i discovered that in our accidental vegie patch we are growing Cantelopes...

WOW. I thought it was a mutant passionfruit but then i saw that strange netting pattern characteristic of the delicious melon - possibly my favourite melon - and was overjoyed. We still don't know what the tree is that is growing. The trunk is getting pretty thick! Can't wait to dig it up and take it to my new place! Knowing my luck, i will probably kill it :(

Oh and also, our Butternut Pumpkin is massive. Hayden went to look at it last night and accidentally picked it haha, i think he feels really bad. it weighs nearly 3kg but still isn't ready! I think it's about the size of my head, i will take a picture of it tonight :)