lunchtime adventure: the beast must feed

Mutha Truckazz UNITE! HOO! I am in a bit of a strange mood today, guys. My mood is bouncing around between the labels: Lothargic, Hypo, Genius, and Jive. I may have just written words that sounded good there, i can't really think straight.

So last night the work crew and I went out for dinner and to an Old Melbourne Gaol night tour to test out the product for work-related reasons. It was pretty creepy! There was a creepy almost-middle-aged portly guy working there with long red/grey hair and a beard -no i didnt want to fellate him. As my friend michelle would say: "He was no Rupert Grint, right Jade?". This guy had less than 0% people skills somehow. He noticed the pram my boss had with him and was like "Uh...is there an...*shudder*...infant... here?". who the fuck calls babies or toddlers INFANTS conversationally?? Maybe back in 1800 or so, jesus christ. Anyway he was kind of like the host . He had to address us as a group but did not look ANYONE in the eye at any point during his sickeningly pertinent laying down the law speech. He instead looked to the top right corner of his field of vision with his eyebrows raised so patronizingly superior. How i longed to slap him! The creepiest part was that he stalked around the dark gaol ringing a bell from the shadows while our guide showed us around. He was watching us in the background.. anyway what am I talking about? Oh yes, so after all of that I went to see Josh's band play a gig at the Arthouse. They were headlining so were on at 11pm - midnight. I was allowed to stay at work so that i could get enough sleep and be here for my 8.30am start :) Woo hoooo! My bosses are cool like that sometimes!

So for some reason i woke up as crazy jade today. I think it's cos i didnt see sunlight or smell fresh air until i went on my lunch break at 1.30pm. So it was here at my desk in those few minutes before I left the office that I finally decided what the beast (me when i am hungry) needed. BRATWURST. oh and also i had to pick up a few supplies for the dinner party tonight which i will explain laterz..

So I headed to the Queen Victoria Market where at lunch-time the place is rampant with hungry office workers and backpackers, and FUCKING SLOW OLD PEOPLE IN GROUPS WHO WALK SO SLOW THAT I WANT TO TEAR MY FACE OFF!!! That is very rude of me. But when I am hungry I get quite rude. Among all the fresh produce, you will find some great lunch places like the Borek shop, the juice bar, take-away shops and THE BRATWURST SHOP. That's where i was headed, and i was sooo hungry.

I thought first i should get my obligations out of the way, so i picked up the fresh pasta (dairy free - go Hayden you lucky vegan!) for dinner and some basil and parsley to make some pesto with. I picked the basil and garlic papardelle :)

Then it was time to feast. But not quite yet. I had to find a den where i could protect my food from the prying eyes of other hungry lunch-goers. Here is what $5.80 AUD got me today :)

Pork Pepper sausage with medium mustard, tomato sauce and sauerkraut. mmmmmmmmmmmm

I hurried back towards work to eat it - well i tried to but i think everyone around me could sense i was in a hurry so the fuckers walked slower and in chains of 3 across the sidewalk. It was an actual obstacle course, but i managed to get back fairly quickly to satiate my hunger. When i entered the office i looked on, in horror, as my boss was sitting at my desk using my computer. I know i had subarashiiblog open, but maybe just minimised. I usually post in my lunchbreak or if there actually is nothing for me to do at the time. I hope if he is reading this now somehow he will think of all the work i do when it is busy haha. Anyway he said he needed to use some program that only i have and asked if i had to eat at my desk. well i didn't really, but i didnt want him reading my blog either. I said quite nonchalantly that the rooftop would be adequate for me to dine on. So off i went...

This ancient lift was going to test my patience, i just knew it. It stops at every level and goes up and down in a seemingly random order. And if there was anyone else in the lift with me, they would be able to smell the bratwurst i was clutching in my hungry claws and want some for sure. And i was not prepared to share. I was practicing my protective growl when the doors opened for me, and the girl that exited eyed off my pork sausage. it was all i could do to not trip her over and run.

Finally i was alone (sort of) with my lunch, and i was preparing to feast. I was thinking about the best way to eat it. If i just opened wide and slid it down my throat with my index finger it would probably kill me, so i thought i would eat it in the conventional way and try to do it as lady-like as possible despite the urge to rape it with my face and mouth.

When i said i was sort of alone, I meant there were backpackers near me without their shirts.

Paparazzi or what? The presence of other people made me eat it very slowly and cleanly. I couldn't smash my face into it like a lion into a zebra's belly. Oh well.

So now I am full and content and am about to do lots of productive work- if you are reading this, boss.

Oh yes, tonight Maki has invited his family over for dinner. So there is going to be Maki, his mum, dad, brother, girlfriend, Josh, Hayden and Meeeeeeee. Wowza! I think i will have to hurry home so i can help get things ready. I don't doubt the boys will have it under control but I might just clean up and make the place smell good :) how exciting!

PEACE OUT!

Jade