strength

That, boys and girls, is an image of a vegan pooping his pants. Well, i don't know for sure if he is mid-soil, but it sure looks like it. I can't help laughing when i look at his face, because i have never seen Hayden angry before. Not even that time when Josh and I went mini-golfing with him and his ex Giselle, and those jocks started calling us "goths" and "freaks" to taunt us. I kid you not... this is not a scene from a corny American daytime movie, it is a chapter from my life. Granted we were wearing sneakers and black T-shirts, not pink polos with popped collars, i guess that was where the confusion came from. Although these days even jocks look like emos, but back then we seemed to really visually offend them. Tell me, does the fellow in the above picture look like a goth to you...? If the answer is "No" then join me in inventing a time machine so i can go back in time and use my golf club for pummeling those doinkers at the mini golf course!


Anyway I have seen a goth IRL, and he was proper goth. He was reading poetry on the train with big black boots, black pants, black... (i'm going to stop using black as an adjective because i think it's safe for you to assume everything was indeed black)... ruffled shirt, trenchcoat, painted nails, and heaps of over the top silver rings and those whole finger talon things, as well as a top hat, long hair, makeup and he had a dead fox draped around his neck. Those that know me personally KNOW i love to exaggerate but I dont even think this time i am doing the guy justice, he was more goth than my brain can handle. So indulge me, do you see the man in the above photo, the VEGAN man, wearing a dead fox draped around his shoulders... no...? Well then, it's time to stand up for vegans and mistaken identity non-goths everywhere and help me teach those crab-apples at the mini-golf course a lesson in not judging books by the cover.


Speaking of which.. this is the front cover of the book we wrote about/for him. We started writing it about 3 years ago, and missed his birthday, and christmas... and the next birthday... and the next christmas... and were stuck on the last chapter, and then i realised his birthday this year was approaching in mere weeks, so I finished to job. It has gotten pretty rave reviews, as many friends are featured in it.

Long story, short synopsis = awesome. Here is an exerpt from the book, to tickle your fancy and give you a clue as to our exaggerated flamboyant writing style. Josh wrote the following part as a footnote describing his character (himself) in the book...

[1] In the opinion of this humble author this character has not been adequately described. He is too fantastic to see as one entire person, we simply have to focus upon each individual quality so we don’t explode our mortal hearts with desire. With eyes like blue ice chips and a chin of strength it seems that his gaze can tickle the erogenous zones of anything he focuses on; man, woman, beast or plant. His stubborn refusal to bathe or use toilet paper seems to only enhance his sexual prowess, and women would kill each other for the chance to pick his nose... if, that is, he deigned to use anything below silk wedding dresses. One thousand poets working for one thousand years could never give justice to his distinct and heady musk. And the same poets would be shot and turned into soap for midgets if they even attempted his smile. To be caught in a cloud of Josh’s methane gas is said to be shrouded in the gentlest of air currents, making people think of their perfect summer day and has been described by professionals as smelling of cut grass and rainfall on wind.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL