internet friends - a homage to DQ

I have one! I have a friend who i would not hesitate to call a friend, although i have never met him. His name is Daragh Quinn, and he is a Leprechaun. Well not really, but he is of Irish descent. The story goes that Daragh is friends with my cousin Bec. They both lived in Adelaide and partied all night and day hoping to become famous party icons and wind up working on Video Hits and then eventually move on to sporadic appearances on "20 to 1" with Bert Newton, in between rehab stints. Unfortunately neither could pluck up the courage to take the red pill that enabled them to reach a new level of party, so they had to part ways in shame. Bec remained in Adelaide while Daragh moved to Perth to persue a career in Engineering, and to follow his lady friend who is a super smart Geologist.

We were first introduced over 1 year ago over work email. Daragh had a habit of inventing bizarre quizzes for his friends, although studies still cannot determine whether he enjoyed making the questions more than actually reading the responses. Bec thought I would flourish in the bizarre quiz scene, so she FWD'd it my way (try to keep up with the email speak). I sent it back to them both to encores and applause (in my mind). Bec kept a copy and sent it to me recently - here is a sample...


Tex’s Questionnaire
A Questionnaire for people who care…
Care to eat some bear if they dare!
Look over there…


Q: If you were a small goat about to be slaughtered for the Passover, what would you like to be served with?

A: I would like to be served with a formal apology for my death and also divorce papers from my goat-wife so that i could become juicy with rage to satisfy my apologetic murderers' palletts. This way i would die with the knowledge that i might just be reincarnated as a mincing machine in which she would be fed through slowly and painfully

Q: How many handshakes can you obtain from obese women while holding a cheeseburger and not get savagely attacked?

A: Probably none. I think if you grabbed one of their hands to shake it, thus inhibiting them from reaching the burger, they would definately strike out. But its ok because after the first hit they would run out of energy and have to catch their breath- giving me enough time to eat the burger right in their red sweaty faces and escape to the nearest subway restaurant (aka safe haven). it's like there is an invisibility forcefield over it.

Q: Back flips are considered dangerous. What other activities do you consider dangerous?

A: Arranging pencils in colour order. My parents say i'm not allowed to do that anymore after what happened last time at school... i'll tell you about it someday - maybe when the trial is over

Q: Do children under the age of 11 collect sea shells for the African military?

A: I'm convinced of this. I have been collecting information on the conspiracy for the past 4 years. We should talk...


If your life flashed before your eyes, would you consider selling it on eBay for $3.40 to buy one last iced coffee?

A: of course... only if it was farmers union though - otherwise....no cigar



Since this time, we three have been sending each other similar things for entertainment purposes. Daragh has quite a collection of comics and strangely edited pictures. I convinced him to make a blog but he hasn't decked it out yet (Hurry up!!)

There was one time when i was meant to meet Daragh in Adelaide but a strange set of circumstances intervened, and the world went right on spinning. He theorises that if we actually meet we will hate each other. He also said he imagines himself to be making pancakes in an apron at the time so who knows... they could be poison pancakes? In my opinion, if we meet, the world will implode because it's just not meant to be. Plus the distance is pretty huge...


CBF City indeed! i don't know why i find it so strange to be friends with someone i have never met IRL (internet speak again, look sharp). Maybe because my mum told me not to talk to strangers..? well i showed her! muahaha. hmm. Maybe there is some kinda Sixth Sense or Fight Club thing going on or something. whatever. when you read this daragh, you know we will have to meet, the world is in suspense! can't leave them hanging after all. slappin da bass, slappin da bass!