lessons i have learnt

I would like to share with you a few things i have learnt in the past year. I am literally full of widsom and advice, it takes the place of the water content in my system so i have to drink a lot of water to stay alive. and i mean a LOT... anyway, here we go:

Lesson 1) Trampolines are scary shit



Lesson 2) If you buy alphabet fridge magnets, expect to find obscure and vulgar messages the day after a party. (Note the additional offensive "rude finger" to the right..)

Lesson 3) Don't taunt dogs if you don't want your face ripped clean off your skull

Lesson 4) never buy a kebab from Mr. Funny Kebab.

Lesson 5) Don't leave yourself open for ridicule... because even your closest friends will shit on you if they have the chance to get a laugh

Lesson 6) Cats will always sit where you don't want them to...and there is no way you can change nature, man...

Lesson 7) Cookies (especially Valentines cookies) and the sexy ladies who make them are fucking rad

Lesson 8) When you go to your grandpa's retirement home, don't go into the oxygen room because i have theorised that it is either like that bubble room in charlie and the chocolate factory... or there are half dead people strapped to beds with monitors and dials and the soft whooshing of oxygen being pumped into lungs... in other words: fucking creepy.

Lesson 9) Jumping into a pile of firewood (intentional or otherwise) is not a good idea and will probably result in injury...

Lesson 10) Even if you handcuff a trouble maker, they will still make trouble...

Lesson 11) Don't give your camera to other people unless you want some interesting photos to result...

(i took away the one of a guys balls due to public outrage... fair nuff..)

Lesson 12) Don't make fun of bogans and their Australian pride tattoos unless you know for sure that the people you are laughing 'with' with are aussie tattoo free (oops :P)

Lesson 13) Never go paintballing again...

My poor hand...

So there you are... 13 gold nuggets of advice picked up from my experiences as a living human. You can choose to trust me or ignore me, but be warned: he who ignores the poor old beggar woman shall be doomed for all eternity in the pits of hell, muahaahaaa muahahaaa *cackle*