falafels and tabouli in my tummy

Oonce in a while, when the planets align and a soft sense of universal peace and tranquility descends upon the land, a little idea fairy pops up and whispers something brilliant in your ear in that one moment of perfect clarity. Usually, but not in every case, the idea is viable if not brilliant. In this recent case the idea fairy was named Squelch, and he had quite a brilliant idea. His idea was that we should have a dinner party and make a delicious feast that was healthy, balanced and possibly vegan. I can do vegan, and can usually do healthy, but when it comes to 'balanced' I am clueless. I don't know much about the properties of food I'm afraid, I am quite the ignoramus on THAT side of things. But no matter! The challenge was set and I ran with it.

Let me show you the recipe to a nice small dinner party:

SETP 1) Invite some people:

STEP 2) Decide what to make. In this case: Falafels, tabouli, hommus and minted yoghurt

STEP 3) Buy the ingredients

STEP 4) Prepare the Hommus before anyone arrives, but make sure you forget to take photos.

STEP 5) Start making the falafels while everyone catches up, and take some cool photos:

STEP 6) When frying the falafels in scalding hot vegetable oil, make sure to dip 2 of your fingertips into said oil until you obtain blisters under your fingernails. This is quite integral to the process. After this, you can swear, run your hands under cold water or cry: this is optional.

STEP 7) Make your dinner guests help you to prepare the Tabouli salad. Get 1 guest to chop herbs, and get the other to juice lemons to yield 3 cups of chopped herbs and 1/2 cup lemon juice respectively. It is imperative that they both simultaneously fill the set of measuring cups (which are connected) with ingredients while each is oblivious of the other's actions. Then make sure that the herb chopper picks up the cup of herbs to add to the bowl, and consequently spills the 1/2 cup lemon juice all over the bench. Then you must interject and pick up the 1/2 cup thus spilling the full cup of herbs also. This is when you have to work as a team to scrape all the liquid into the bowl over the side of the bench. End Result:

STEP 8) Get your housemate (his name must be Maki) to make minted yoghurt by adding too much mint onto the top of the yoghurt. Proceed to freak out as he lowers the stirring spoon, and ask him to remove some of the mint to be used for the tabouli. Watch as he takes one handful out, then dips his hand into the yoghurt again pulling out a gob of yoghurt and mint, then argue with everyone about whether it should be thrown out or put back. Put it back.

STEP 9) Set the table and serve:

STEP 10) Eat in silence interrupted only by professions of orgasmic flavour, and outlandinsh claims that it is the best tabouli ever eaten, or the best falafels ever eaten. To ensure these compliments occur, make sure you eat at around 8.30pm so that your guests are half-starved and delirious. They will not remember what they have said!

STEP 11) Cap it all off with an unexpected visitor, and leave the dishes until the next day!

RECIPES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tabouli for about 6 people plus leftovers

- 1 cup Burghul (cracked wheat) in 1 cup of boiling water until puffed and dry
- 4 large tomatoes chopped finely
- 2 cups finely chopped parsley
- 1 cup finely chopped coriander
- 6 Tbsp chopped mint
- 1/2 cup lemon juice
- 1 Tbsp olive oil

* Put all together in a big bowl and mix

FALAFEL

- 2 tins chickpeas
- 1 small onion finely diced
- 3 cloves garlic - crushed
- 3/4 cup chopped coriander
- 1/2 cup chopped flat leaf parsley
- 1/4 cup chopped mint finely chopped
- 1 Tbsp cumin seeds
- 1 Tbsp Coriander seeds
- 1/4 tsp bi-carb soda
- salt and pepper
- 1/3 cup flour
- OPTIONAL: egg replacement equivalent of 1 egg
- sesame seeds
- vegetable oil for frying

Mash Chickpeas in a blender
Cook cumin and coriander seeds in a hot dry pan until fragrant.
Add everything to a bowl and mix well.
Form into little balls and roll through sesame seeds, squashing slightly.
Fry in oil a few at a time, then drail on paper towel.
Do not dip your finger tips in.... it hurts