Jade Kelly takes us on a magical and fearsome journey in which we see her scale barbed wire fences and run through paddocks with a flashlight and a box of Whiskas cat food in the frantic search for her beloved cat Chester.
Intrigued? Thought not. Haha. Anywhom I will tell you the story nonetheless. Last night started out as normal as any other night. I arrived home and complained about being hungry while i stood alternatingly in front of the fridge and pantry thinking of what to make for dinner. I had gotten one step further than usual... this time I knew vaguely what I wanted: Japanese. I couldn't be bothered going to the supermarket to buy fancy things so I improvised. I cooked up some rice, made a quick salad, got a can of tuna, defrosted 3 Gyoza from the batch I made, and got out a block of dry tofu I had bought that day. Here's what I ended up with:
It was amazing. I am a huge fan of tofu cooked in this way. I made a quick marinade of white miso, mirin and sesame oil and rubbed it all over, then put it on the grill pan. The little black lines were simply the charred marinade, and it was delicious! Maki tried some and said it tasted like a big pancake. It was yum! After I ate Maki suggested we go for a quick walk before Bear Grylls started at 8.30pm, so we got on our walking shoes and set off. Only problem was that Chester started following us. Usually he gets scared after a while and turns back and goes home. This time he followed us further than ever before.
There is a park at the end of the street, and usually he doesn't like going in. This time, maybe because there were 2 of us, he followed us all the way in about 20 meters behind meowing because he was frightened, then a dog saw him and charged. Instead of the normal cat reaction of "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE QUICK!!" He just crouched down and watched the dog run at him and circle him barking. I yelled out but he didn't react. The owner sauntered over and explained that 'Nitro' wouldn't hurt a fly. They had this weird mexican standoff where the both just lay staring at each other. The owner thought it was really funny because his dog was wagging it's tail indicating it wanted to play, but Chester was not reacting at all. He said that his dog thought Chester was a dog too.
We kept walking and thought Chester would turn back, but he kept coming, his little bell jingling. It was soon to the point where he had followed us so far that we couldn't be bothered cutting our walk short just to take him home - we should have done that ages ago if we were going to do it at all. So we decided we'd just keep walking and he could follow his scent backwards and go home as he had done before, albeit over a shorter distance. After a while he stopped following and we climbed through a fence and did a lap of the school oval then walked back home waiting to see him rolling around in the yard at 8.30pm - perfectly timed to watch Bear Grylls from my lap.
This wasn't so. He was nowhere. So we grabbed torches and his cat food box and set off again. We got aaaall the way to the schoolground again and saw this weird tent/rubbish pile thing and 2 shiny little eyes staring back at us from a distance. We thought it might be him so i shook the cat food box again (this is a proven way of communicating with him) and heard his bell jingling. 'What a relief!' i thought, 'He can hear us now, he will come over here and we can go home!'. WRONG. The problem was he was fenced in this paddock by a barbed wire fence, with that and a canal seperating us from him. We crossed the bridge over the canal and Maki jumped the fence abandoning his flashlight. I was standing there trying to light his way and illuminate Chester's eyes so we could keep track of him. Mel called me because Maki had left his phone at home and was meant to let her in so she could pick up something. I told her what was going on, and said I had the spare key to the house with me and that we wouldn't be long. I was wrong.
Eventually Maki got Chester and carried him back to the fence, and when they were about 1 meter away a noise spooked Chester and he used Maki's neck as a starting block and took off back into the paddock. Maki tried for another 10 minutes to get him from the tall weeds near the fence but there were dogs barking and he was freaked out by everything- including us. We got another near success when we coaxed him to about 5 meters from the fence and then this band of Mauri teens came along. One on a bike, one with a flashlight, another had a girl on his shoulders, and then there were a few others playing music from their phone and singing and laughing. Chester ran off again as they approached. Maki asked them nicely to keep it down as we were trying to find a scared cat. "Sorry bru" one said. "Shh, they're trying ta find tha ket!" another said.
After it seemed Maki was having trouble again, I slid my phone, keys, flashlight, and cat food under the fence and climbed up and over. I got pricked by the barbed wire (luckily it was old and dull) and it ripped a few holes in my newish bonds track pants. I traded places with Maki and went after Chester, he just kept walking away from me. I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and could almost hear the victory bells ringing as I walked back to the fence with him seemingly calm. Well, he was calm until Maki climbed back over the chain fence and the noise freaked him out. I had to clamp his front paws in my hand and crush his body to mine as he was trying to buck out of my grip. Maki was over and beckoned me to the end of the fence where there was a small gap enough for a cat to be passed through. I lost hold of him 3 times standing in that corner, grabbing him by a fistful of skin and fur each time to drag him back. First time by the scruff, then his back, then his side. I have never handled him so roughly before and didn't really even realise what I was doing to him, or what he was doing to me with his claws. Eventually i got him under control and threw him through the gap. He was going too crazy for Maki to grab him. He hit the ground running and bolted off into the night with Maki in hot pursuit. I suddenly found myself on the wrong side of the fence with both flashlights... again. I went up and over, tearing a few more holes in my butt, and could only blindly guess which direction they went. Luckily it was towards home. Chester seemed to kind of know the right way to go...
I snuck back through the gap in the other barbed wire fence on the other side of the bridge and walked back along the canal toward home. I heard Maki's voice about 1/3 of the way along. He was crouched beside a mass of tangled vine which had been growing on someone's back fence and taken it down many years ago. Chester had cleverly got himself nestled right in the middle of the tangled mess and was meowing for assistance. It was then that I saw the blood all over my hands and felt the stinging for the first time. We crouched there panting for a few minutes trying to get Chester to come toward our voices. Maki went home with the spare key to let Mel in because we had kept her waiting in our driveway for ages, thinking we'd be back soon. I was now alone with both flashlights and no communication with Maki as he didn't have his phone. Chester's meows seemed to be getting closer after about 5-10 minutes of me coaxing him toward me, and finally he stuck his head out to sniff my finger and i grabbed him by the scruff HARD and drabbed his limp body out. Cats freeze up when you grab them like that, it's strange. I thought for sure he would claw my face off and run off again but I think he had calmed down a bit seeing as we were away from cars and barking dogs. I held him against me and pocketed the flashlights and was awkwardly carrying the cat food too. I could have just left the stuff there and gone back for it, but nooo I always do things the hard way. I was praying that he didn't get spooked and bolt so i quickly called Mel to tell her I found him and was on my way back.
I was almost near the park when Maki appeared out of the dark and grabbed the food and a torch so I could clutch Chester with both hands. He could hear cars near the park and was trying to get away again. I was giving him the old "Don't you dare pull this shit now, not again!" lecture. Part of me thought if I let him get away he would follow us home seeing as he knew the park...but then I visualised him up a tree and clutched him harder. I could tell that he knew his location when we emerged from the park and stepped into our quiet street. I had his belly against my chest, back legs sprawled like a frog and had his head and front paws clamped down to my shoulder. Once we got inside and into the light, I put him down and watched as he casually strolled to his food bowl and had a feast of water and Whiskas which we had been shaking in his face for the past hour or so. While i inspected my wounds:
and looked for the dettol, he just lay down and didn't move for a while:
Does this look like a traumatised cat to you? No, not really... more tired. I worried that I had hurt his body by manhandling him, squashing his paws, grabbing his fur and skin, crushing him against me etc.. but he wasn't reacting when i pressed on his legs and back testing for pain. Also he had crazy dandruff all over his back from where i was grabbing him, and it was allll over my clothes, as well as half of his fur. So new rule in the house: Next time you go for a walk, lock Chester INSIDE! Little crazy cat. Needless to say, I slept like the dead and this morning got some strange looks on the train as my scratches and slices were still bright red :O 
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