paint and bogans

so as a fathers day / 50th bday present, myself and my 2 bros are helping my dad to renovate his house. It's pretty sweet cos i'm the only one who doesn't live there so i dont have to live in the crrrrazy renotavtion atmosphere - i just come and go. so I already grouted his bathroom and that seemed to kick things off, cos a few days later he went out and bought paint and putty (for the holes in the walls). Ok holes in walls sounds terrible, but there really are little holes from picture hooks and such, not like fist holes or sledgehammer holes where they have drunkenly tried to find hidden treasure in the walls. [there's always money in the BANANA STAND!!!!!].

It's not like it's a bogan house or anything, pssssht. Well my dad does have old video footage of my younger brother doing burnouts on the front lawn (not really a lawn - more like dirt) with his new car (a VL commodore, bro). that sounds so bad. when you see the car, you will see that it's even worse than you can imagine. I grit my teeth and show you a similar model car to what my brother has:

There, i did it! Phew! Yuck yuck yuck! I call it the bogan car because whenever you see someone driving along in one they are always smoking, and either doing 20ks over the limit or are sucking on a jim beam and coke can, or are physically abusing a child or spouse or are smoking a bong (not really) or are already pulled over for one or all of the above offences. So you can imagine my disgust when my brother bought one. He also has a super awesome SKYLINE bro. It goes tsu-tsu-tsu-tsuuu when he changes gears cos it has a turbo engine and stuff. wooo. But yeah stupid cars anyway.

For those international readers who don't know what a bogan is, it is this:

As Wikipedia tells me, it is the Australian / New Zealand regional equivalent of the English slang terms chav or pikey, Scottish ned, Irish scanger or spide, Dutch tokkie, and the North American white trash, redneck, or hillbilly.

So basically for me to classify you as bogan you would have one or more of the following attributes going on:

Mullet, Rat Tail, or a shaved head (possibly due to nits??)
Missing teeth / Rotten teeth
Enjoy drinking Jim Beam & Coke / Wild Turkey / Jack Daniels & Coke from a can
Love Beer - but only VB
Smoke like a chimney
Have multiple children to different partners
Drive a Commodore
Wear Commodore or Holden racing jackets/caps
Shoes optional
Bathing optional
Have anything displaying the Aussie flag OR Southern Cross - including car stickers, clothing and tattoos.
Can be seen in green and gold at the cricket
Would rather spend their money on car parts than on food for their swarm of filthy children
Drop the "F bomb" or the "C bomb" more than once in a sentence
Yells and abuses family members in public

I'm sure I could go on, but you get the drift... Plus everyone in Australia does at least one of these things i think haha. So we are all a little bit guilty. i like beer, so i guess i am a little bit bogan... maybe.

Anyway, what was the point of this whole thing..? Oh yeah painting. I am painting my dad's house and it looks much better. It was built in the era where baby blue was the solution to every colour decision. Blue carpet, walls, ceilings, toilet, tiles, kitchen... oh it is gross. Oh yeah they also decided to "pink wash" the door frames because pink and blue look SO awesome together. Whatever! So now we are painting everything in neutural tones and getting new flooring and fixtures etc. It's looking good and gearing up for the big FIVE-OH party! Let's hope the riot squad don't attend the party this time. AM I JOKING? Hahaha I wish...