Talk of tooth-brushing brings a tear to my eye.
But I sit here perplexed, I just don't know why...
Could it be because I'm guilty of non-flossing?
Or perhaps because I'm scared of the dentist tossing
Into my mouth while I'm "under" his potions
And when I awake he dismisses my notions
"I applied a bleacher, that's what you can taste"
"Now get out of my office wench. Out, OUT post haste!"
I think it might be that my reputation precedes me
In Colgate cirlces I'm known as "the dead sea"
It refers to my saliva I think, but I'm not so sure
Saw it on my toothbrush's myspace...that bristly whore
For generations of brushes, I've been their sole plight
for I kill them slowly every morning and night
I brush it hard, back and forth, up and down,
and sometimes in little circles when I really go to town.
"chka chka chka" they scream as I go
or "whoka whoka whoka" if I put my mouth in an "o"
What a conundrum, their blood cleans my teeth!!!
Should I stop brushing to just keep the peace?
The hippie within tokes a peace-pipe and winks
But the murder valve grabs him and stabs his larynx
This is a shout-out to those who have perished,
Colgate, Oral-B, and Macleans... all were cherished
You served me well, kept my breath minty fresh
I'm sorry my hygiene and your life just don't mesh
I won't stop my terror, oh no, quite the contrary
I'll brush you to oblivion, til I gargle bloody mary
My mighty teeth will flatten your bristles,
my incisors fucking you up as though they were missiles
that pulsating murder valve is out of control
and humans are next once he's off parole...
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