The toilet roll is bare
no paper there remains
someone should repair
but noone takes the blame
what prick used the last bit?
surely it wasn't I
for i never learnt to shit
i secrete waste from my eye
in school i was the butt
of everybody's joke (pun)
until i became a slut
and started to drink and smoke
famed for party tricks
and interesting dances
at night i'd get my kicks
starting brief tear duct romances
each hole is a goal
is what i heard them say
and i'm climbing the social pole
so it is the only way
all the boys will love it
they're pin dicks anyway
all because i can't shit
in the normal way
my bum- devoid of function
makes a nifty vase
it's also good for grinding
polenta from some maize
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