The Mystery of the Black Stocking Socks

i have been finding little black stocking socks sporadically over the past... hmm maybe 2 years in various, or not so various places.

The first time i was at my boyfriend's house and found one on his floor, amongst the clothes, homework, dvds, cds and rubbish. I picked it up and went "hmm.." regarding it with utter confusion. He said "What is it?" to which i replied "It's a stocking sock." he asked if it was mine and i replied in the negative, for i don't wear ankle high stocking socks. Then i got angry "Well whose is it??" to which he got defensive "I don't know, how should i know?!". It was rude of me to assume foul play, i know. I threw it in his laundry, and thought that was the end of the stocking sock.

Wrong. A short while later, one turned up IN HIS BED! I held it up again and he started to laugh at the expression on my face. He swore he was as alarmed as I was. He had no clue how it got there. My mind naturally, and unfairly, jumped to horrible conclusions which just upset me. He was kind of amused/insulted at my reaction, and talked me around and said it was probably his mums, to which she verified that it was- although she didn't know how it got there. OK Stocking sock thing over.

Wrong again unfortunately. I found one nestled in the bottom of his backpack!!! So now i was thinking that perhaps he was a cross-dresser. I thought he should tell me the truth if he liked wearing ladies clothes. "I have some great stockings if you want." I said, jokingly. He didn't think me to be funny at all :) He said his mum had borrowed the bag.

Ok so now it is 2009, and we have moved in together. Last week i found another shin-high black stocking sock on our bedroom floor, near the door. I swear he is doing this to taunt me. he was brushing his teeth before bed, and i walked over to the bathroom door holding it by the tips of my fingernails, and held it up to him. He saw it and rolled his eyes. After spitting out the toothpaste he asked if i thought he was cheating on me. I said "not really, but why the fuck are there always stocking socks everywhere i go?!!?!?!" then i asked what he does with them, wear them on his feet or to 'wrap his package' or something else strange. He said he didnt even know it was there, and thought it was mine.

Then this morning, walking down the ramp at my local train station, what was on the path before me... but a fucking.black.stocking.sock. What is this?! Why am I being taunted?? I hate black stocking socks! They are the bane of my existence, they are the thorn in the side of our relationship, they are the elephant in the room, the black fly in your chardonnay, a death row pardon, 2 minutes.. oh wait...