a letter of hate

Dear Scumbag Fuckfaces who broke into my car,

I hate you. I don't actually know you, but I can confidently say that I hate you.

The reason for my hate stems from the fact that you have invaded my privacy twice now, and I am assuming you felt no remorse for this. The first time, you felt it was a mad idea to break into my car in my own driveway and steal my CD Player which I got as a present and all my CDs. Awesome. Not only was I now fearful for the security of my car, i was also mildly afraid for my life and all the possessions in my home. If I were to make a list of the Top 5 people I would never want in my house, you would be on it. Lemme break it down for you...

5) THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS
4) A CREEPY OLD MAN AFTER MY FLESH (ANY)
3) SNOOP DOGG
2) KEVIN BACON
1) YOU AND YOUR SICK FUCK FRIENDS

I didn't really let myself get too worked up about the incident as I was running late for work when I stumbled across the evidence of your late-night visit. However, when I realised that you stole my PEZ from the car I was utterly shocked. Why would you possibly want my PEZ re-fill? I had to laugh when I remembered that little packet of PEZ had been living in the bottom of my handbag for a few months and was covered in perfume, lip gloss, and other bag content residue. I was secretly chuffed 2 days later when I saw the PEZ laying in the grass of my front lawn. Obviously upon closer inspection you realised that it was not as desirable as you had previously thought. Hazah! It was like I planned it all along. A small disappointment for you there, albeit paled by comparison to my own disappointment that fateful morn. Looks like you'll have to get your sugar fix elsewhere, junkie!

So, needless to say, I didn't see the point in replacing the CD Player any time soon. I worried that you would just come back and take my new one. Plus you only took the face-plate. You fucking stupid idiot. Not only could you probably not sell it to anyone unless they have the actual CD player to correspond, it makes it tricky for me to get a new face-plate too. I will just have to buy a whole new CD player and get the useless old half-one removed to make way. Then what to I do with the old one? I will leave it beside my bed so that next time you come skulking around my lawn I can throw it at your toothless head!

The second time you broke into my car was 3 days ago at my local train station. I often see evidence of your handywork scattered in little piles across the vast carpark. I had always thought that perhaps one break-in was enough for me. I thought my Karma balance was pretty good. Apparently not on Tuesday, it wasn't. I approached my car which was waaaaaaaay at the very far reaches of the carpark and when I got to the drivers side, it was like de ja vu, the little button was popped up. Joy. I swore under my breath as I opened the door and sat in the drivers seat, looking around in despair at the mess you made as you emptied the contents of my bin all over the floor. I must admit I was happy that you didn't take anything this time. Not that I had anything of value, but it didn't stop you last time from taking my precious PEZ, you fucker. So I guess, thanks for not smashing any glass to get in, and for obviously having done your homework to find out that my old car will open with just about any key. Yet, on the other hand, fuck you. fuck you SO MUCH and go suck on a horse's balls for creeping me out.

Here I am, assuming that you are some derro bogan junkie fuck, but you may not be. I just can't imagine why else you would be skulking around in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep, or in the middle of the day when everyone is at work. I don't like to generalise but what is clear is that you are a peice of shit. You may have a job, you may have 12 kids and need the extra cash. Maybe. Probably not. Anyway...

Because I don't really know where you live, I am going to assume it is in the dark depths of the Western Suburbian sewers, so I shall make a point of dropping this down the drain tonight addressed to yours truly. Hopefully it gets to you! I feel confident that you wont track me down as doing this is your job, and you must have so many clients that you begin to forget them after time, right? So I hope you enjoy this letter, and remember that the world thinks you are a:


Much Hate, Hope we never meet again,
Jade
*stab* *stab* *stab*