Late Night Shopping: Good/Evil? You be the Judge! A Comparative Essay...

Throughout the ages, certain contentious issues have seen neighbours, nations and religious groups divided. Today, we are faced with yet another pressing issue. That of whether or not Late Night Shopping can be considered a 'good thing'. First and foremost, let me just draw your attention to the title of this essay. It should be noted that you are supposed to pronounce the punctuation marks. Therefore, you should say: Late Night Shopping colon Good slash Evil question mark You be the Judge exclamation mark A Comparative Essay dot dot dot. I inadvertently took inspiration from 30 Rock Episode 2.07 when Tracy Jordan talks about the name of his book... "Betrayal. Semi-colon. What Really Happened With My Baseball Team. Comma. Disaster at Knuckle Beach. Question mark." Quite unlike the essay topic, the fact that this line is extremely humorous script writing cannot be disputed. So let's begin with an explanation of my involvement in the issue in question.

The other night, after a hearty dinner, my housemate Maki asked if I wanted to go with him and his girlfriend Mel to the 24 hour K-mart later to buy a printer. I was feeling full of verge and vigour, and knew there was nothing I actually needed to buy so I agreed. First we watched a movie, inconsequentially it was named "Easy A", and it was then that we set off on our late night adventure. Instead of showering I was comparing prices of shower gel. Instead of getting into my pyjamas I was to be browsing the sizes and styles in the sleepwear section. Instead of tripping over my shoes on my way to bed and once again not putting them away, i was setting out to buy even MORE shoes. You get the picture I'm sure. It wasn't until I saw a car outside K-Mart sporting a boot on the tyre that I realised just what this late night shopping was all about. Of course I made an obligatory wise crack about how the lady who owned the car was probably still wandering around the aisles of K-mart lost, dazed, emaciated and survivng only on stolen candy. We all had a good laugh about it, but behind my chuffed smirk was the faintest whiff of realisation that I could possibly be right - we could bump into a shop-aholic who had fallen off the grid entirely. The thought scared me a little. If it were some crazy M. Night Shyamalan script I was playing part in, I worried that perhaps I was in fact somehow the shop-aholic trapped inside and the car was MINE *dun dun dunnnn* But then I remembered that M Night Shyamalan hasn't had a loophole-free script in a while so I breathed a sigh of relief and kept walking.

Approaching the well-lit entrance I thought "I don't need anything really...just going for a look..." but part of me knew I would walk out with something. It was as though there were a greater power at play. The ghosts of all who have perished in a shopping frenzy at 4am were beckoning me forth. Once inside, I suppose the first thing I thought was "How Convenient that Mel can buy her printer after 10pm!". Indeed, it is very convenient. Sure you can jump online and order a printer at any time of the day or night too, but you'll be sitting there twiddling your thumbs for a few weeks until you actually get it. So for shift workers, insomniacs, part-timers, junkies, road-trippers, forgetful people... or even bored people, it is very convenient to be open so late. Perhaps it is not so good for shop-aholics though. It can lead to some unwise considerations.... 

Impulse buying at its scariest. While it can be said that these things are indeed a little bit wrong, it's not to say that they aren't hilarious! We laughed and laughed, oh how we laughed! The entertainment factor is alive and well in 24 hour K-mart. I think the entertainment level is contingent to the number of people you are with. If you are with a group of laughing wise guys then I think you can expect a good thorough browse and chuckle. If you are on your own, you may feel the eyes of every lost soul in the store on your basket wondering what you are buying late at night. They will do this regardless, but it's easier to handle when you've got a posse behind you, so you can be all "Whatchu lookin' at esse? huh? huh? Choo wanna start somethin? Didn't think so... yeah you BETTER run...". But yes on your own, late night shopping would be a bit more depressing. Maybe you aren't depressed yourself, but seeing the other people wandering around aimlessly might be a bit confronting. I haven't attempted a solo mission yet, but I know that I had so much fun in a group and would recommend it to anyone - it definately kills boredom!

One thing is for sure, without the distraction of people and noise, you really come to realise some of your slightly under the surface fetishes. There was no reason for me to be there but I still managed to buy all of this:

Well OK, some of this looks useful and neccessary right? This wasn't even half of it. I also got 6 couch cushions which maki was carrying haha! Goodbye 70's cartoon pillows. So yes, unrealised fetishes.

Fetish number 1: cheap flats
I bought 2 pairs @ $5 each. Pink... and silver. Silver. SILVER! I can't imagine when I am going to wear silver shoes... but at least now they are in the pile of cheap cool shoes I have picked up along the way and may wear one day. I do this A LOT. People ask "Oh cool, new shoes?" and I go "err.... sort of. I bought them a year ago and haven't worn them yet...." This also applies to jackets and clothes. It always seems like a good idea at the time.

Fetish number 2: Wrapping Paper
At $2 per roll, how could I say no? Exactly, I couldn't! So I bought some. I have to make sure I have a wrapping paper for every occasion, for both males and females, and it has to look cool. I always picture what it will look like with a ribbon around it, and if it passes the ribbon test I buy it. I have a large bag of wrapping accessories in my garage, and it is growing larger with every late night shopping spree.

Fetish Number 3: Bras
I always buy pretty bras and now have like 10 or so, but I always seem to wear the same 2 or 3. They are: my favourite (black/grey leopard print with hot pink interior), Josh's favourite (red push-up with white polka dots), and of course the boring T-shirt bra (does not even deserve an explanation). The others get a tad neglected but it's always a treat when I wear them and then Josh does the whole "Oooh, new bra?" thing where I guiltily look down at my 'new shoes' and go "er....yeah....whatever just rip it off!"

Fetish Number 4: Umbrellas
This is the scoop guys, this fetish is just blossoming. For the last... 6 months.... I have been fantasising about developing my umbrella collection. I had a rainbow one for, like, I dunno... close to 10 years; but it was tragically stolen from, or should I say WITH, my car. Perhaps I am trying to fill the void by slutting around with other umbrellas? Who knows. I bought a clear one in winter which broke after 1 use. Now I have this new frilly pink one I picked up in my late night k-mart frenzy. She is pretty good. Stay tuned for more news on my developing collection. I have my eye on about 4 more and am yet to buy :)

Ok, that's enough about fetishes.. let's talk about the difference in VIBE at late night shopping. It is different. Maybe it's got something to do with this guy....

Everyone is suspicious of one another, and as mentioned earlier they all stare at what you have bought. I swear I saw one staff member waiting for me to walk past so he could open a packet of lollies. He was stacking the shelves and was taking a while to hold one packet with both hands near the opening, fingers pinched on either side. I was walking toward him to get a basket for my growing collection of stuff and he eye-balled me the whole way until I turned around and I swear I heard him tear open the packet! So if the staff feel comfortable shoplifting, imagine the message that passes onto the customers: us. See Mel's basket of stuff?

....All stolen. Nah just kidding. But look at the lack of people and lack of staff involvement. If you wanted to shoplift, now would be the time. But seriously, here is us leaving with all our stuff....

I spent about $115 in this one trip. I got: 2 pairs of shoes, 1 work top, 1 umbrella, 1 bra, 1 bustier, 1 pair of nderwear, 1 roll of wrapping paper, 1 can deoderant, 1 shampoo, 3 lollipops, 3 skirt coat-hangers, and 6 couch cushions. I am pretty sure that's it. I did well, i think.

So, to conclude... I think shopping at this time of night is better as I dislike bogan crowds and noise and waiting in line for change rooms or registers. I also enjoy people watching, and it is funny at this hour of night. My relaxed attitude meant that I could have a better look around at everything, which ultimately meant I made more purchases, but if I keep this behaviour occasional I'll be fine :)

Side note: I also made this new dish! It's an adapted version of Jamie Oliver's 30 minute feasts. It is Piri Piri Chicken!! I thought it was great! I added sweet potato and potato to it to make it more stew-like...

Loved it! Well, I must be off! Maybe I will remember the recipe one day and update this post :)

oh what a night!

why hello there! Care for a story? Well first let me give you a synopsis:

Jade Kelly takes us on a magical and fearsome journey in which we see her scale barbed wire fences and run through paddocks with a flashlight and a box of Whiskas cat food in the frantic search for her beloved cat Chester.

Intrigued? Thought not. Haha. Anywhom I will tell you the story nonetheless. Last night started out as normal as any other night. I arrived home and complained about being hungry while i stood alternatingly in front of the fridge and pantry thinking of what to make for dinner. I had gotten one step further than usual... this time I knew vaguely what I wanted: Japanese. I couldn't be bothered going to the supermarket to buy fancy things so I improvised. I cooked up some rice, made a quick salad, got a can of tuna, defrosted 3 Gyoza from the batch I made, and got out a block of dry tofu I had bought that day. Here's what I ended up with:



It was amazing. I am a huge fan of tofu cooked in this way. I made a quick marinade of white miso, mirin and sesame oil and rubbed it all over, then put it on the grill pan. The little black lines were simply the charred marinade, and it was delicious! Maki tried some and said it tasted like a big pancake. It was yum! After I ate Maki suggested we go for a quick walk before Bear Grylls started at 8.30pm, so we got on our walking shoes and set off. Only problem was that Chester started following us. Usually he gets scared after a while and turns back and goes home. This time he followed us further than ever before.

There is a park at the end of the street, and usually he doesn't like going in. This time, maybe because there were 2 of us, he followed us all the way in about 20 meters behind meowing because he was frightened, then a dog saw him and charged. Instead of the normal cat reaction of "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE QUICK!!" He just crouched down and watched the dog run at him and circle him barking. I yelled out but he didn't react. The owner sauntered over and explained that 'Nitro' wouldn't hurt a fly. They had this weird mexican standoff where the both just lay staring at each other. The owner thought it was really funny because his dog was wagging it's tail indicating it wanted to play, but Chester was not reacting at all. He said that his dog thought Chester was a dog too.

We kept walking and thought Chester would turn back, but he kept coming, his little bell jingling. It was soon to the point where he had followed us so far that we couldn't be bothered cutting our walk short just to take him home - we should have done that ages ago if we were going to do it at all. So we decided we'd just keep walking and he could follow his scent backwards and go home as he had done before, albeit over a shorter distance. After a while he stopped following and we climbed through a fence and did a lap of the school oval then walked back home waiting to see him rolling around in the yard at 8.30pm - perfectly timed to watch Bear Grylls from my lap.

This wasn't so. He was nowhere. So we grabbed torches and his cat food box and set off again. We got aaaall the way to the schoolground again and saw this weird tent/rubbish pile thing and 2 shiny little eyes staring back at us from a distance. We thought it might be him so i shook the cat food box again (this is a proven way of communicating with him) and heard his bell jingling. 'What a relief!' i thought, 'He can hear us now, he will come over here and we can go home!'. WRONG. The problem was he was fenced in this paddock by a barbed wire fence, with that and a canal seperating us from him. We crossed the bridge over the canal and Maki jumped the fence abandoning his flashlight. I was standing there trying to light his way and illuminate Chester's eyes so we could keep track of him. Mel called me because Maki had left his phone at home and was meant to let her in so she could pick up something. I told her what was going on, and said I had the spare key to the house with me and that we wouldn't be long. I was wrong.

Eventually Maki got Chester and carried him back to the fence, and when they were about 1 meter away a noise spooked Chester and he used Maki's neck as a starting block and took off back into the paddock. Maki tried for another 10 minutes to get him from the tall weeds near the fence but there were dogs barking and he was freaked out by everything- including us. We got another near success when we coaxed him to about 5 meters from the fence and then this band of Mauri teens came along. One on a bike, one with a flashlight, another had a girl on his shoulders, and then there were a few others playing music from their phone and singing and laughing. Chester ran off again as they approached. Maki asked them nicely to keep it down as we were trying to find a scared cat. "Sorry bru" one said. "Shh, they're trying ta find tha ket!" another said.

After it seemed Maki was having trouble again, I slid my phone, keys, flashlight, and cat food under the fence and climbed up and over. I got pricked by the barbed wire (luckily it was old and dull) and it ripped a few holes in my newish bonds track pants. I traded places with Maki and went after Chester, he just kept walking away from me. I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and could almost hear the victory bells ringing as I walked back to the fence with him seemingly calm. Well, he was calm until Maki climbed back over the chain fence and the noise freaked him out. I had to clamp his front paws in my hand and crush his body to mine as he was trying to buck out of my grip. Maki was over and beckoned me to the end of the fence where there was a small gap enough for a cat to be passed through. I lost hold of him 3 times standing in that corner, grabbing him by a fistful of skin and fur each time to drag him back. First time by the scruff, then his back, then his side. I have never handled him so roughly before and didn't really even realise what I was doing to him, or what he was doing to me with his claws. Eventually i got him under control and threw him through the gap. He was going too crazy for Maki to grab him. He hit the ground running and bolted off into the night with Maki in hot pursuit. I suddenly found myself on the wrong side of the fence with both flashlights... again. I went up and over, tearing a few more holes in my butt, and could only blindly guess which direction they went. Luckily it was towards home. Chester seemed to kind of know the right way to go...

I snuck back through the gap in the other barbed wire fence on the other side of the bridge and walked back along the canal toward home. I heard Maki's voice about 1/3 of the way along. He was crouched beside a mass of tangled vine which had been growing on someone's back fence and taken it down many years ago. Chester had cleverly got himself nestled right in the middle of the tangled mess and was meowing for assistance. It was then that I saw the blood all over my hands and felt the stinging for the first time. We crouched there panting for a few minutes trying to get Chester to come toward our voices. Maki went home with the spare key to let Mel in because we had kept her waiting in our driveway for ages, thinking we'd be back soon. I was now alone with both flashlights and no communication with Maki as he didn't have his phone. Chester's meows seemed to be getting closer after about 5-10 minutes of me coaxing him toward me, and finally he stuck his head out to sniff my finger and i grabbed him by the scruff HARD and drabbed his limp body out. Cats freeze up when you grab them like that, it's strange. I thought for sure he would claw my face off and run off again but I think he had calmed down a bit seeing as we were away from cars and barking dogs. I held him against me and pocketed the flashlights and was awkwardly carrying the cat food too. I could have just left the stuff there and gone back for it, but nooo I always do things the hard way. I was praying that he didn't get spooked and bolt so i quickly called Mel to tell her I found him and was on my way back.

I was almost near the park when Maki appeared out of the dark and grabbed the food and a torch so I could clutch Chester with both hands. He could hear cars near the park and was trying to get away again. I was giving him the old "Don't you dare pull this shit now, not again!" lecture. Part of me thought if I let him get away he would follow us home seeing as he knew the park...but then I visualised him up a tree and clutched him harder. I could tell that he knew his location when we emerged from the park and stepped into our quiet street. I had his belly against my chest, back legs sprawled like a frog and had his head and front paws clamped down to my shoulder. Once we got inside and into the light, I put him down and watched as he casually strolled to his food bowl and had a feast of water and Whiskas which we had been shaking in his face for the past hour or so. While i inspected my wounds:

and looked for the dettol, he just lay down and didn't move for a while:

Does this look like a traumatised cat to you? No, not really... more tired. I worried that I had hurt his body by manhandling him, squashing his paws, grabbing his fur and skin, crushing him against me etc.. but he wasn't reacting when i pressed on his legs and back testing for pain. Also he had crazy dandruff all over his back from where i was grabbing him, and it was allll over my clothes, as well as half of his fur. So new rule in the house: Next time you go for a walk, lock Chester INSIDE! Little crazy cat. Needless to say, I slept like the dead and this morning got some strange looks on the train as my scratches and slices were still bright red :O

another massive post

Good morrow lads and ladies! Can't believe i am here today. I slept in until 8:10am when i usually get up at 6:45 to get to work by 8:30am. It was crazy. By the time i got to the station there were no carparks within a 5km radius pretty much (slight exaggeration). I had to park down some residential street but there weren't many other cars and no parking restrictions that i could see, so hopefully i don't get a ticket. eep.

By the time i got to work and realised that even our measly pedastle fans had been taken away, leaving us with NOTHING, my makeup had already melted off my face and i was wishing i had called in sick. Oh well, i went on a scavenger hunt and found 1 fan for the 4 of use to share. ridiculous.

So last night I went home and was thinking of all the amazing things I could whip up for dinner, when i came across Josh and Maki chilling outside with beers. They had watched the superbowl and had been drinking beers most of the day it seemed, so they weren't hungry or interested in food. And i didn't want to go to heaps of effort just for myself. So I took the opportunity of Hayden's absence to go and get charcoal chicken with chips and gravy for dinner. When we got there Maki and Josh had changed their minds and wanted chips too, so we ended up getting a whole chicken and a jumbo chips and gravy and coleslaw for the 3 of us haha. We also got a slab of what we thought was a Vegan beer (Carlsberg) so that Hayden could drink with us, but he said he didn't think it was vegan. So we sat out the back until about 9pm eating our extremely non-vegan feast and playing with Chester.

The guys told me that one of the pumpkins is getting really big so i went to go see it. It looks like it will be a Butternut and it is already the size of my hand!! Granted I have pretty small hands, not as small as a barbie or something, but fairly small.

We were discussing music for a while, and I realised the reason I can't listen bands like the Dillinger Escape Plan and Converge is because my ears are not sophisticated enough, and it is the music of the future. I believe i used the term "space music". This sounds like high conversation but I assure you it was just 2 beer cheer. Seriously, Maki broke it down for me and this is my feeble paraphrasing of what he said. They use notes that traditionally don't go together in sequence and are inventing new sounds, and they are so fragmented and fast and play in such a non-traditional pattern that my brain just can't process it. I realise that they are extremely talented but it just sounds like noise to me because i have never heard this kind of thing before and my senses are freaking out and it makes me feel uncomfortable to hear. It's not that i dislike it, i just cannot deal with it. Crazy. whoa back on track

Oh yes, of course! Then we were feeding lucky little Chester some chicken because he was staring at us for about an hour straight, just waiting patiently.

Hahhaa, i love that pic of him! What a cool guy. Maki went in to get us some beers and we heard this CRACK from inside, then saw him walking head down past the back door looking for a broom. We went in to see that he had dropped a beer in the laundry and it had gone everywhere. I had a mental face-palm, and maybe i acually did a face-palm too. Heh. So i gave him our brand new mop (it was only $10) to use and he went to slide the thingo down in order to squeeze the sponge clean and somehow snapped the mop too. It was pretty hilarious. Then once we had cleaned up all the slithers of glass and all the stench of beer, josh picked up his NFL ball and then lost control of it and it bounced over to a drinking glass left on the floor next to the couch... and smashed the fuck out of it. So then we cleaned up more glass. It was more funny than anything.

Seriously though, Maki is shaping up to be one of the most clumsy people I have ever known. He won't mind me saying this cos we discussed it at length and he knows all about it. But since moving in 2 weeks ago he has spilt 3 of his own beers all over the floor, just by not remembering they are by his side, and tipping them over with his foot or something. He also kicked the NFL ball the other night and it went off course and hit Josh's side mirror SMASHING IT and it fell to the ground. Then the two things last night - and i don't want to know how many other things have happened when i'm not around. I wouldn't be surprised if it was Maki that broke Hayden's side mirror somehow haha. No longer will i blame accidents on Chester - Maki is the new scapegoat. He said that he's having a pretty good run and hasn't broken any fixtures or furniture...yet. I didn't like the indication of threat and impending face-palming. I want to finish my blackboard project so i can keep a Black Books-esque tally of things broken (like their kill tally). haha

anyway this was the floor just after the beer smashing incident. We remarked how it reminded us of "paranormal activity" and that creepy powder scene!

Ok so I did actually kind of stick to my plan which involved watching Brokeback Mountain for the first time. I didn't watch it in bed as planned, as I was surprised to hear that Maki and Josh wanted to watch it with me. As much as i still want to watch a dvd in bed i thought it might be a little awkward with the 3 of us, so we watched it in the loungeroom. and. Oh. My. God. What a brilliant movie. I was moved to tears, it was just so heartbreakingly sad the whole time. The guys loved it too. look at this:

ah makes me want to cry again. fuck man. FUCK. Anyway i'm not going to be able to stop thinking about this movie...ever. Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal are two of my top 5 hottest people ever list. And while it was interesting to see 2 males kissing (as you never really see that in mainstream media) i wasn't turned on by it which i was curious to see if i would be. but i was MOVED. They are both so brilliant and amazing and i can't even believe how amazing the movie was. Fuck society man, fuck it right in the eye. So unfair. Anyway about 10 minutes into the film i was wishing i didn't have ANY prior knowledge of what the movie was about so I wouldnt keep looking for clues and giggling inwardly at all the hints that something was going to happen. There was a part where heath ledgers character was naked in the background and jake's character was sort of looking out the corner of his eye. THAT is the scene where i would have realised what was going on. oh man. is it lame of me to say RIP to heath ledger? Well I think he is an amazing talent, and i am so dissappointed that he is not alive anymore. it is such a horrible shame.

Ok, i have gotten a bit morose now.. let me cheer things up by telling you about this new "joke" that is circulating in the house. It involves me... wanting to fellate any red-head i see. Or at least that's how Maki sees it. Sure i had a crush on Ron Weasley, and my favourite Partridge family cast member is little Danny Partridge who happens to have red hair, and my cat is a ginger cat. But that doesn't mean anything! And for the record I am stating here and now that I am not, and have never been, attracted to Danny Bonaduce - who i googled and there are so many pics of him without a shirt looking like a fucking idiot that I am now calling him Danny Bonadouche. I do not have a ginger fetish, even though Josh has a few stray AUBURN hairs in his beard sometimes, it is all just coincedental. Maki is now suggesting that I have a crush on Cameron Ling - the Captain of Geelong Football Club (Aussie Rules Football) . This is laughable... google it and see what i mean. Sorry Cameron, I'm sure you are awesome but I am totally not attracted to you. I used the word "monster" which i am not proud of... sorry again.

Ok wow, i have waffled on for ages. I have to get myself organised for my friend's wedding this Saturday :D It is going to be a cry-fest. can't wait