Срећан рођендан Dragana (Happy Birthday Dragana)

Author's Notes: Dragana's Birthday was yesterday but she was away from work with food poisoning. She explained all about the vomiting and how her body aches, nay her BONES ache still. Please note: she loves twilight, but i know nothing about it.

ahem....


Dragana: A Biography

So Dragana's Birthday has come around once more,
And it's a shame she spent it on the toilet floor!
But all that's done now and she just has sore bones,
Now it's back to emails, cold calls and phones.

As enthrawling as that sounds, I have a much better plan
Let's go back to where our Dragana began.
I bet you're thinking she had a sweet childhood.
If that's the case, then you've misunderstood.

Have you ever wondered why Dragana loves Twilight?
like, seriously loves it, and reads it in moonlight?
I'll give you a hint, it's not for the action
Her love is due to a deeper attraction...

Dragana was born in 1435,
And though she was poor, she was very much alive.
Until one night when she suddenly awoke
To the local Vampir swishing his cloak

"I vant to suck your blood.." he firmly proposed
to which, her neck, Dragana happily exposed.
(In those days this was cooler than working.
No 9-5, just lots of night lurking.)

And this way she lived, for hundreds of years
Sucking up blood and outlasting her peers
Until she left Serbia in 2004
And settled here upon our warm Australian shore

She'd given it up, her life had lost flavour
And she had not 1 friend to ask for a favour.
She vowed to be normal, and cause no-one fright
And that's when she happened upon a pink site

"Perez Hilton" was, in the old Serbian word,
a Vampir organisation of which she had heard.
The gossip it acts as a substitute for blood,
and there is such a supply it is like a flood.

By checking it daily she can live quite low key,
and even work next to a juicy girl like me.
Not one temptation, unless the net breaks...
then she sweats and swears and gets the shakes

'Dragana sparkles' is what Kate had forewarned
But i was ignorant, and about to be scorned...
Perez got blocked by our IT department
so Dragana accessed her murder compartment

And as my blood drains and i lay here on the floor,
I take one more look around at all of the gore.
"Srecan Rodjendan, Dragana" is what i say
"I think that's Serbian for Happy Birthday..."

*dies*