Train Poem

I wrote this poem on a near-empty train in the late morning of last Tuesday. Thought I'd share it...

This noise on the train is intrusive,
to my sore and wind-whipped ears.
It certainly isn't conducive
to my poetry in arrears.

My head is throbbing away
and I sit here to wonder whether
hat hair is really so passé
and if I should have just donned one in this weather

As the rain runs down the glass
like liquid lightning bolts,
I look at the scenes I pass
and rock gently with the trains jolts.

This all has made me gloomy-
the wind, the rain, the chill.
As consolation, I'm at least roomy
and those around me don't seem ill.

If this counts towards my list, I have another 6 to go until I have written 12. I hope you enjoy what I try to pass as poetry :)

november poem

Kate and the Kung Fu Panda

There's something about Kate that I bet you don't know,

When I found this out, I was simply aglow!

She has a dear friend who she saw once a week

But this aint your average beauty or geek.

Her friend is a Panda. No, I shit you not.

He's black, white and fluffy and owns his own yacht.

Each summer he fills up his boat with bamboo

And sets off in the night with a whispered "Adieu"

He sails the world, and makes video diaries

And sends them to Kate to quell her inquiries.

At the end of last summer, he never returned

And needless to say, Kate was concerned.

They met on Contiki, way back in the day

And went together like mango and sorbet.

It's completely platonic, which Kate made quite clear.

To this news, he drowned his sorrows with beer.

He disappeared to Guam to clear out his head,

Cos he thought without Kate, he'd rather be dead.

He returned years later, and saw Kate was with James.

He almost sent their house up in flames.

He tried so hard to win her affections

All the while with his fond recollections.

Eventually he gave up, and started kung-fu

and with this new obsession, his hurt did subdue.

Next, they were friends and were getting along well

And he bought his yacht and first set off into the swell.

Years passed by, and he kept sailing

His returns were always simply unfailing.

And now he is gone, and noone knows where

And Kate is left wondering about her dear panda bear.

The only sign of the loss she hides away

Is the big red poster she put up at work one day.

She looks at that poster and thinks about life.

If anyone moved it, there would sure be some strife.

As Kate types away at her computer all day

she strangely gets cravings for mango sorbet

October Poem + various things from my weekend

October is over and I was quite slack

All week I cooked nothing, I need my groove back.

This poem's a day late, I was too busy eating

and having strange dreams - my weekend was fleeting!
I dreamt of the death of Josh's friend Jim
He was at our house at the time, so we had to bury him.
We were crying our eyes out, and trying to find room
in my front yard for his eternal tomb.
There were too many graves, and because he was tall
We couldn't find space in the front yard at all.
When Josh told Jim last night on the phone
He said his mum does not condone
He's not allowed over to our place anymore
Looks like we no longer have a good rapport

*frown*

I imagine that this strange dream was triggered by the fact that Jim let me borrow his Dutch cook book and I was reading it in bed. I spent Saturday morning painting my nails, drinking tea and reading this book:

 It has everything you want in a specific cuisine cookbook... recipes from OTHER cuisines:

Pictures of people in the midst of PDA's...

 and some cool notes and flags for the best recipes!

Cannot WAIT to start cooking some of these dishes! Thanks again Jim, expect some facebook comments asking for advice :D

So not only did I think about food on the weekend, I also ATE lots of food! Thursday night i got dumplings and beers with Josh and my friend corey, but didn't have my camera to take photos of his cool house and Indian game Carrom!! CRY! His housemate Kristian gets free cheese through a culinary connection his dad has, so Corey made us cups of tea and put out these 3 amazing cheeses: Brie, Triple Cream, and Blue. The Blue, surprisingly, was my favourite. There is a first time for everything! Kristian also had the same model car that I used to have before it was cruelly stolen from me, so I may have sat in the drivers seat for a minute or 2 and had a moment when Corey left to get biscuits. I didn't tell Kristian this when he arrived there later of course, it was the first time we met so I didn't want him to think i'm weird. That's the fun of life - finding out on your own what people are really like haha. Although, after publishing this info on my blog, it's tempting fate for him to find out. meh. Anyway Thursday was an awesome food day at work too for reasons I cannot explain just yet! And I had to borrow another girl's camera to take some pics which will hopefully appear on here on Wednesday...?

Friday night I ended up going out after work with Corey again! Again there was no plan, and we were just wandering around and ended up here in Chinatown:

YAMATOOOOOO! I realised as I walked past that I have always wanted to try this place! So we did. I got Nabeyaki Udon:

I also bought some tea from T2:

And thought about eating the chocolate Claudia bought me back from Belgium. Look how pretty it is:

Saturday I stuffed my face at a BBQ at my friend Trav's place. It was all cold and rainy, so a pile of Raybans formed on the bench..

And Stevenz jumped in the pool fully clothed for a dare. He gained $30 and probably pneumonia too. That below is Trav making Stevenz earn his money...

Oh and then I went out for Indian food with my family for dinner!! Yikes! OMG this morning when I was walking from Josh's place to the station, I saw this and had a slight freak-out...

It took me a while to notice the fake cobwebs - all i saw were bloody handprints and tape. I think I actually stopped dead in my tracks!

Well there you have it folks! A whole bucket load of information to digest. Hope it's tasty!! I'll be back on Wednesday with some more good posts WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D

August Poem

I worte this late last night... I apologise in advance...

Reading 'Tomorrow when the war began"
has altered my perception of reality.
Almost calling a dude "Lee" cos he's from Vietnam
Indicates I'm losing my understanding of 'similarity'.

I should probably stop but I'm on the last book,
and now I'm pretty much living it in my mind.
I'm not tough like Ellie though, at Paintball I was a sook.
Anyone on my side of war would be in the ultimate bind.

Josh would shoot me like a horse with a broken foot
Maybe I'd do a "Robyn" from book three...
But I'd probs go a bit "Kevin" (in book 5)- the moot.
I'm already talking in codes - look at meeee!

*gasp*

The cold and flu tabs are kicking in now!
I'm hot, I'm cold, I'm hungry, I'm itchy!
But mostly sleepy and my brain's going KAPOW!
Like a showbag name that made me twitchy.

My delirium is a blessing, it greases the wheels
It also sounds like an Evanescence album name
Jesus Christ woman, I hate your cotton mouth spiels
Everything about you I find lame...

"That was way harsh Tai.." - 10 points to guess the moive
I'll just tell you - it's Clueless. Anyway, what's my opinion worth?
Not a damn thing if you ask me
What was this about? Something about Earth...?

ode to follower #7: Sarah

Situated on the back of a yellow paper crane,
Sarah swooped down into my life again.
With the memory of a goldfish, I'm not proud to say
that I instantly forget people once we part ways.

She now follows my blog, which is simply a tool
for me not to forget stuff, for my brain is so cruel.
I forget whole conversations, sometimes whole years
but now that she follows, she has lessened my fears

I'll never forget her, each post is one seventh hers
The good ones, the bad ones, even the drunken slurs
Thank you dear Sarah, for liking my writing
Being notified of a new follower is so very exciting!

So now that I've touched one more person's brain,
massaged it sensuously, I continue my reign
as "best blogger ever"... that's self-appointed
kneel before me, the healer, and be bloggily anointed.

Now I'm inspired, to write and to jest,
and to truly make subarashiiblog best.
I have a slight headache and I can taste metal
But i'll continue to write for you Sarah, my petal...

if you weren't a married woman....

a disturbing love story poem

ok, i wrote this back in September 2008 when i was really sick at work and sent it around to a few friends who were really freaked out by it but loved it at the same time. I haven't seen it since then, and reading it today.... i just don't know what the fuck i was thinking. I think i may have been overdosing on Cold and Flu capsules.. I seriously don't remember writing this, i think i was in one of those typing frenzies where i just type and read it at the end. Like my clam story. Anyway, here it is. Enjoy things from the perspective of a fly. haha....


What is that sound I hear?
It comes every 15 seconds or so...
A little sniff, though it deafens the ear
The giant with glasses, and a billion red button noses.

I might fly over there, but she seems agitated.
She might shoo me or worse yet swat my body to goo.
I got close enough to see the snot in her nostril coagulated.
She didn't like that, omg I did a poo.

I can't stop vomitting, like 7 times a second, it's great.
I did one on her, now she's my bride.
The best part is when she's alseep we can mate
You don't want to kn - ok, i crawl inside!

I've done it before, and caused quite a fuss.
Gross human-fly babies flopping around on the ground.
Someone set them on fire screaming something in tounges,
and holding a cross out while dousing faster and crying loud

My brides don't last long, I'm the silent epidemic
These medievil times aren't-a-changing for me
Everytime before I transform into a handsome medic
She's burnt alive as well as our spawn...but alas not me

I am forced to walk and crawl and fly 'til such day
That i can transform with my bride-vessel by my side.
This time it will be different, no fire, no suicide, nay...
She is sickly, her immune sytem failing, oh my lucky bride

When she is in her Dimmetapp night-time cold and flu coma
I shall crawl inside her vageen, and spew forth my seed
Her body won't reject me, for I'm a clever german "brummer"
and the timing is just right, and i'm down to my socks, see..

It's business time, I'm in her fleshy catacombs
I've left my present, and now I must flee.
This time I hope they look more like garden gnomes...
Garden gnomes are all I wish I could be

2 days pass, the conditions were perfect, I was down to my socks...
Under close observation it seems my seed did not take.
Could it be in the dark I went in the wrong end? bollocks!!
Oh, what's this, she's running to the toilet!!!!

I'm buzzing around her head excitedly, she seems to have explosive diarrhoea
That's not normal...
She gets up to collapse on the floor and cry in fear
The porcelain throne to my god kings is teeming with larvae

not even time to rhyme now, they are super-powered maniacs with wings
they suddenly fly all about growing bigger every milisecond
they make everything in the room shrink, and i am just a speck upon a speck's toe
they are slamming into walls going "graaaaarllggggfffff, rarrrrrrrrr" (vom)
the girl is gone, they've scooped her up into the air and torn her apart like hungry pirahnas jumping out of the water to get a low flying tasty bird!
there is blood everywhere, and they suddenly become smarter and start rambling about aliens and then they start looking for food
oh god, what won't they eat!? even the old lady next door - NO!! ! not her!
but suddely one sneezes, then they all stop.
one slides down the wall while another drops dead.
dead.
dead.
they have the flu, a common human cold.
i guess i didn't factor that into my calculations..

thank god for being sick
like fully sick

Wow. It is so hard to read. It's like when i tried to read "And the Ass saw the Angel" by Nick Cave. It was so filthy and creepy I just couldn't finish it. Oh dear..

Срећан рођендан Dragana (Happy Birthday Dragana)

Author's Notes: Dragana's Birthday was yesterday but she was away from work with food poisoning. She explained all about the vomiting and how her body aches, nay her BONES ache still. Please note: she loves twilight, but i know nothing about it.

ahem....


Dragana: A Biography

So Dragana's Birthday has come around once more,
And it's a shame she spent it on the toilet floor!
But all that's done now and she just has sore bones,
Now it's back to emails, cold calls and phones.

As enthrawling as that sounds, I have a much better plan
Let's go back to where our Dragana began.
I bet you're thinking she had a sweet childhood.
If that's the case, then you've misunderstood.

Have you ever wondered why Dragana loves Twilight?
like, seriously loves it, and reads it in moonlight?
I'll give you a hint, it's not for the action
Her love is due to a deeper attraction...

Dragana was born in 1435,
And though she was poor, she was very much alive.
Until one night when she suddenly awoke
To the local Vampir swishing his cloak

"I vant to suck your blood.." he firmly proposed
to which, her neck, Dragana happily exposed.
(In those days this was cooler than working.
No 9-5, just lots of night lurking.)

And this way she lived, for hundreds of years
Sucking up blood and outlasting her peers
Until she left Serbia in 2004
And settled here upon our warm Australian shore

She'd given it up, her life had lost flavour
And she had not 1 friend to ask for a favour.
She vowed to be normal, and cause no-one fright
And that's when she happened upon a pink site

"Perez Hilton" was, in the old Serbian word,
a Vampir organisation of which she had heard.
The gossip it acts as a substitute for blood,
and there is such a supply it is like a flood.

By checking it daily she can live quite low key,
and even work next to a juicy girl like me.
Not one temptation, unless the net breaks...
then she sweats and swears and gets the shakes

'Dragana sparkles' is what Kate had forewarned
But i was ignorant, and about to be scorned...
Perez got blocked by our IT department
so Dragana accessed her murder compartment

And as my blood drains and i lay here on the floor,
I take one more look around at all of the gore.
"Srecan Rodjendan, Dragana" is what i say
"I think that's Serbian for Happy Birthday..."

*dies*

Lucinda and the Birthday Fairy

Lucinda's birthday comes once a year,
a secret date she keeps quiet for fear
of the birthday fairy finding out
and coming to get her, of this there's no doubt.

Since she was a child, Lucinda's been frightened
and over the years the fear's only been heightened
The stories she'd heard, and the things she was told
were just too much for a child to behold

"The Birthday Fairy is an evil terror,
she'll rip your eyes out, make no error."
each year this is what her brother would say
without fail the day before Lucinda's shh-day.

"Her blood-lust unquenchable, she simply loves the taste
of juiced-up birthday children, no need to even baste!
If she smells a hint of balloon,
a streamer, a present or a choc macaroon
she'll break down your door and grab a clump of your hair
and drag you down to her underground lair"

"And at first glance, her lair seems quite tame
but then you realise you're just a pawn in her game...
She "pin's the tail" on YOU and the pins are all rusty
and she has some cake there, but it's poisoned and dusty."

"It's set up for many with chairs, games and toys
But the only ones present are deceased girls and boys
The bones they surround you, wearing small party hats
and what is that noise? the floor's teeming with rats!"

"You want to get out, but you know there's no way
and your mantra becomes "why'd I have a birthday?!"
The fairy she giggles, a high pitched ugly cackle
And then she flies at you, going for a tackle"

"Of course you're no match for her powers so dark
in comparison to her, you're nothing more than a quark!
she gets you and eats you, with lollies and cake..."
and here, in a sweat Lucinda would awake

This particular year, the dream was quite yucky
and Lucinda awoke in a puddle of mucky
"I'm not going out, i'm not going to work!
I'll stay right here and hide from that jerk!"

Rohan sighed deeply, and got out the gun
And took sentry at the door, his prime yearly fun.
To Lucinda's brother his thoughts they did stray
and to how he'd get his revenge one sweet day...

So right around this time, in about one year
Please try to remember Lucinda's big fear
And whatever you do, don't spill crumbs on her desk,
tiny cake crumbs are what the fairy likes best!

by JK

a clam poem

"AVAST!" i cry, ye slubberin' ghouls
a clam that wishes to be a pig that DROOLS?
a soft spot i had for those closed up pods
of the sea, those moustachio gods

i don't eat clams, not since the day
that my lover clam snapped my heart away
he opened up, i was the special one
our love was good until he declared it done

i cried so long, i cried so fierce
but he had no eyes thus cried no tears
if i see that chump again i'll use a hammer
and anyway, i've still got my youth and glamour

what could he get? a seamonkey, a fish?
he's crazy to let me go, i'm a true blue aussie dish
or maybe it's that his love was too strong...
he got scared and closed up, had to say 'so long'

thats probably it, oh i hope we cross paths
we'll meet eyes at a club, or the public baths
he'll see what he's missed, and miss how i kissed
i'll draw him close, then give him my FIST

that little punk broke my heart with his slimy clammy shell
now i'll send him to the worst kind of hell
"Hell on Earth" -it opened last week
my new boyfriend's in charge, he's arty and chic

He's kinda dead, but was an artist and famous
he's showed me to love, and kill and be heinous
and the best part is we hate clams collectively
scars on our heart and cock - of course that's respectively

united we stand, united we victor
i'll crush his shell like a boa constrictor
he's no match for us, he better keep his wits
a lesson for you: all clams are SHIT

For when the toilet paper runs out...

The toilet roll is bare
no paper there remains
someone should repair
but noone takes the blame

what prick used the last bit?
surely it wasn't I
for i never learnt to shit
i secrete waste from my eye

in school i was the butt
of everybody's joke (pun)
until i became a slut
and started to drink and smoke

famed for party tricks
and interesting dances
at night i'd get my kicks
starting brief tear duct romances

each hole is a goal
is what i heard them say
and i'm climbing the social pole
so it is the only way

all the boys will love it
they're pin dicks anyway
all because i can't shit
in the normal way

my bum- devoid of function
makes a nifty vase
it's also good for grinding
polenta from some maize

Toothbrushing Po-em...

Talk of tooth-brushing brings a tear to my eye.
But I sit here perplexed, I just don't know why...
Could it be because I'm guilty of non-flossing?
Or perhaps because I'm scared of the dentist tossing
Into my mouth while I'm "under" his potions
And when I awake he dismisses my notions
"I applied a bleacher, that's what you can taste"
"Now get out of my office wench. Out, OUT post haste!"

I think it might be that my reputation precedes me
In Colgate cirlces I'm known as "the dead sea"
It refers to my saliva I think, but I'm not so sure
Saw it on my toothbrush's myspace...that bristly whore
For generations of brushes, I've been their sole plight
for I kill them slowly every morning and night
I brush it hard, back and forth, up and down,
and sometimes in little circles when I really go to town.

"chka chka chka" they scream as I go
or "whoka whoka whoka" if I put my mouth in an "o"
What a conundrum, their blood cleans my teeth!!!
Should I stop brushing to just keep the peace?
The hippie within tokes a peace-pipe and winks
But the murder valve grabs him and stabs his larynx
This is a shout-out to those who have perished,
Colgate, Oral-B, and Macleans... all were cherished

You served me well, kept my breath minty fresh
I'm sorry my hygiene and your life just don't mesh
I won't stop my terror, oh no, quite the contrary
I'll brush you to oblivion, til I gargle bloody mary
My mighty teeth will flatten your bristles,
my incisors fucking you up as though they were missiles
that pulsating murder valve is out of control
and humans are next once he's off parole...