What is going on in the world?

There’s this guy who works in the café in my building who I’ve met a few times while he made my coffee. Today he asked me if I’m Australian (which I am). I simply thought that he, like many other strangers, had heard my supposedly ‘ambiguous’ accent and wondered where it hails from. Not so. Instead he explained that he has been working there for the last 5 months and he’s never seen me before and was just wondering who I was.
Never seen me before…? Interesting. Because I’ve seen him plenty of times. Face to face, even. Exchanged greetings and everything. I suppose maybe he meant never ‘noticed’ me before, which actually is no better when I think about it - in fact it’s kind of an insult that I made no impression on him whatsoever. Like that whole ‘blanking someone you have already met’ think from 30 Rock. I know his name, and his country of origin… because he told me. That’s correct. He told me.
True, I have just returned from a 10 day holiday in tropical relaxing Darwin, so maybe I’m looking rather refreshed for once, and not sporting the usual burning the candle at both ends look I have so expertly mastered. But back to the thing…what was wrong with me before that he didn’t even see me? Was I so repulsive to look at and/or talk to? It almost seems like a compliment that he now is interested in my existence as a human being I suppose, like I must be doing something right in a small way, but seeing as I was once treated like the Elephant man, and elephants never forget, I won’t be forgetting this.
This makes me realize that perhaps I should start being super nice to people. Good for the soul and all that. Sort of seems like hard work though… :P Nah, lesson learned, lesson learned. I'll be nicer

Takushiiiii Duraibaaaaaa

In Melbourne you’d be pretty hard pressed not to find a taxi – they’re part of the scenery, which by extension means so are Taxi drivers. Those valliant knights of the bitumen who ferry us around at our most vulnerable moments. Bless ‘em.


They are an interesting and varied breed of people these drivers. No doubt everyone reading this has had some kind of strange conversation or experience in a Taxi – which makes me wonder what common personal characteristics are required for those in the profession? Varied backgrounds and educational levels pose no problem as the skills needed are more of a personal nature - people skills, diplomacy, cleanliness and, well, of course… the ability to drive. I would add to that list the ability to stay awake through the night or the willingness to dabble in some mild substance abuse, as well as the ability to multi-task ie. talking on your phone, to your customer, and also… safely operating a vehicle simultaneously.

Some recent conversations with taxi drivers have piqued my curiosity in the cab folk and the way they live their lives. One recent driver was a softly spoken Indian guy who explained that he was new to driving Taxi’s. It was only his second shift, and already he hated it. He then confessed that he often experienced micro sleeps… which of course made me talk both louder and faster literally to save my life. I can understand the micro sleeps though as he explained driving was his third job and he only gets a few hours rest a night. Poor dude. I could tell he wanted to be home in bed rather than exchanging niceties with me. But I really needed to get to bed too… so…

Another guy a few weeks back was more of a morbid philosopher than a cab driver. I suggested he have business cards made proclaiming his dual professions but he didn’t care for that idea. At the time I was wearing a very short dress and in the cab alone on my way to some birthday celebrations, feeling rather … exposed. He asked me if I would do him a favour… My nerves started subsiding when he went on to explain and it wasn’t a blowjob he was after. Something about turning off the meter I don’t know. That sounds pretty dodgy nonetheless. He enquired about where I was headed, and I explained my friend was having a birthday party. He then told me that 25 is the end of youth and happiness. Apparently, once you wake up on your 25th birthday, your life basically goes steadily downhill from there until you die. If old age doesn’t get me, I’m sure depression will. Thanks dude. He explained how pretty much any person you meet will be fucked up in some way, and relationships are a waste of time. He divulged details of close friend/client’s relationships to me too.

When I was a kid I never took taxis. Well, obviously… because I was a kid. But my fambo always seemed to be driving or we'd get public transport. Taxis were just something I saw in movies. I can’t even really remember my first cab ride, it seems like I should remember something like that- my first experience being driven around in awkward silence by a stranger. Oh well, as my taxi driver told me, none of it really matters anyway. I may as well just lay still and wait for the end now. JKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK I'm actually super hyper right now. Amazing what a can o' coke can do to a gal. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D

Late Night Shopping: Good/Evil? You be the Judge! A Comparative Essay...

Throughout the ages, certain contentious issues have seen neighbours, nations and religious groups divided. Today, we are faced with yet another pressing issue. That of whether or not Late Night Shopping can be considered a 'good thing'. First and foremost, let me just draw your attention to the title of this essay. It should be noted that you are supposed to pronounce the punctuation marks. Therefore, you should say: Late Night Shopping colon Good slash Evil question mark You be the Judge exclamation mark A Comparative Essay dot dot dot. I inadvertently took inspiration from 30 Rock Episode 2.07 when Tracy Jordan talks about the name of his book... "Betrayal. Semi-colon. What Really Happened With My Baseball Team. Comma. Disaster at Knuckle Beach. Question mark." Quite unlike the essay topic, the fact that this line is extremely humorous script writing cannot be disputed. So let's begin with an explanation of my involvement in the issue in question.

The other night, after a hearty dinner, my housemate Maki asked if I wanted to go with him and his girlfriend Mel to the 24 hour K-mart later to buy a printer. I was feeling full of verge and vigour, and knew there was nothing I actually needed to buy so I agreed. First we watched a movie, inconsequentially it was named "Easy A", and it was then that we set off on our late night adventure. Instead of showering I was comparing prices of shower gel. Instead of getting into my pyjamas I was to be browsing the sizes and styles in the sleepwear section. Instead of tripping over my shoes on my way to bed and once again not putting them away, i was setting out to buy even MORE shoes. You get the picture I'm sure. It wasn't until I saw a car outside K-Mart sporting a boot on the tyre that I realised just what this late night shopping was all about. Of course I made an obligatory wise crack about how the lady who owned the car was probably still wandering around the aisles of K-mart lost, dazed, emaciated and survivng only on stolen candy. We all had a good laugh about it, but behind my chuffed smirk was the faintest whiff of realisation that I could possibly be right - we could bump into a shop-aholic who had fallen off the grid entirely. The thought scared me a little. If it were some crazy M. Night Shyamalan script I was playing part in, I worried that perhaps I was in fact somehow the shop-aholic trapped inside and the car was MINE *dun dun dunnnn* But then I remembered that M Night Shyamalan hasn't had a loophole-free script in a while so I breathed a sigh of relief and kept walking.

Approaching the well-lit entrance I thought "I don't need anything really...just going for a look..." but part of me knew I would walk out with something. It was as though there were a greater power at play. The ghosts of all who have perished in a shopping frenzy at 4am were beckoning me forth. Once inside, I suppose the first thing I thought was "How Convenient that Mel can buy her printer after 10pm!". Indeed, it is very convenient. Sure you can jump online and order a printer at any time of the day or night too, but you'll be sitting there twiddling your thumbs for a few weeks until you actually get it. So for shift workers, insomniacs, part-timers, junkies, road-trippers, forgetful people... or even bored people, it is very convenient to be open so late. Perhaps it is not so good for shop-aholics though. It can lead to some unwise considerations.... 

Impulse buying at its scariest. While it can be said that these things are indeed a little bit wrong, it's not to say that they aren't hilarious! We laughed and laughed, oh how we laughed! The entertainment factor is alive and well in 24 hour K-mart. I think the entertainment level is contingent to the number of people you are with. If you are with a group of laughing wise guys then I think you can expect a good thorough browse and chuckle. If you are on your own, you may feel the eyes of every lost soul in the store on your basket wondering what you are buying late at night. They will do this regardless, but it's easier to handle when you've got a posse behind you, so you can be all "Whatchu lookin' at esse? huh? huh? Choo wanna start somethin? Didn't think so... yeah you BETTER run...". But yes on your own, late night shopping would be a bit more depressing. Maybe you aren't depressed yourself, but seeing the other people wandering around aimlessly might be a bit confronting. I haven't attempted a solo mission yet, but I know that I had so much fun in a group and would recommend it to anyone - it definately kills boredom!

One thing is for sure, without the distraction of people and noise, you really come to realise some of your slightly under the surface fetishes. There was no reason for me to be there but I still managed to buy all of this:

Well OK, some of this looks useful and neccessary right? This wasn't even half of it. I also got 6 couch cushions which maki was carrying haha! Goodbye 70's cartoon pillows. So yes, unrealised fetishes.

Fetish number 1: cheap flats
I bought 2 pairs @ $5 each. Pink... and silver. Silver. SILVER! I can't imagine when I am going to wear silver shoes... but at least now they are in the pile of cheap cool shoes I have picked up along the way and may wear one day. I do this A LOT. People ask "Oh cool, new shoes?" and I go "err.... sort of. I bought them a year ago and haven't worn them yet...." This also applies to jackets and clothes. It always seems like a good idea at the time.

Fetish number 2: Wrapping Paper
At $2 per roll, how could I say no? Exactly, I couldn't! So I bought some. I have to make sure I have a wrapping paper for every occasion, for both males and females, and it has to look cool. I always picture what it will look like with a ribbon around it, and if it passes the ribbon test I buy it. I have a large bag of wrapping accessories in my garage, and it is growing larger with every late night shopping spree.

Fetish Number 3: Bras
I always buy pretty bras and now have like 10 or so, but I always seem to wear the same 2 or 3. They are: my favourite (black/grey leopard print with hot pink interior), Josh's favourite (red push-up with white polka dots), and of course the boring T-shirt bra (does not even deserve an explanation). The others get a tad neglected but it's always a treat when I wear them and then Josh does the whole "Oooh, new bra?" thing where I guiltily look down at my 'new shoes' and go "er....yeah....whatever just rip it off!"

Fetish Number 4: Umbrellas
This is the scoop guys, this fetish is just blossoming. For the last... 6 months.... I have been fantasising about developing my umbrella collection. I had a rainbow one for, like, I dunno... close to 10 years; but it was tragically stolen from, or should I say WITH, my car. Perhaps I am trying to fill the void by slutting around with other umbrellas? Who knows. I bought a clear one in winter which broke after 1 use. Now I have this new frilly pink one I picked up in my late night k-mart frenzy. She is pretty good. Stay tuned for more news on my developing collection. I have my eye on about 4 more and am yet to buy :)

Ok, that's enough about fetishes.. let's talk about the difference in VIBE at late night shopping. It is different. Maybe it's got something to do with this guy....

Everyone is suspicious of one another, and as mentioned earlier they all stare at what you have bought. I swear I saw one staff member waiting for me to walk past so he could open a packet of lollies. He was stacking the shelves and was taking a while to hold one packet with both hands near the opening, fingers pinched on either side. I was walking toward him to get a basket for my growing collection of stuff and he eye-balled me the whole way until I turned around and I swear I heard him tear open the packet! So if the staff feel comfortable shoplifting, imagine the message that passes onto the customers: us. See Mel's basket of stuff?

....All stolen. Nah just kidding. But look at the lack of people and lack of staff involvement. If you wanted to shoplift, now would be the time. But seriously, here is us leaving with all our stuff....

I spent about $115 in this one trip. I got: 2 pairs of shoes, 1 work top, 1 umbrella, 1 bra, 1 bustier, 1 pair of nderwear, 1 roll of wrapping paper, 1 can deoderant, 1 shampoo, 3 lollipops, 3 skirt coat-hangers, and 6 couch cushions. I am pretty sure that's it. I did well, i think.

So, to conclude... I think shopping at this time of night is better as I dislike bogan crowds and noise and waiting in line for change rooms or registers. I also enjoy people watching, and it is funny at this hour of night. My relaxed attitude meant that I could have a better look around at everything, which ultimately meant I made more purchases, but if I keep this behaviour occasional I'll be fine :)

Side note: I also made this new dish! It's an adapted version of Jamie Oliver's 30 minute feasts. It is Piri Piri Chicken!! I thought it was great! I added sweet potato and potato to it to make it more stew-like...

Loved it! Well, I must be off! Maybe I will remember the recipe one day and update this post :)

bane of my existence: wheelie suitcases

I have to let you in on a little quirk I have. That little quirk is called 'anger'. I am usually pretty unphased by most things, but when I am hung-over or have a cold or am too cold or too hot or have PMS I get unreasonably and irrationally angry. After my work's Christmas party, we were walking to lunch in China Town hung-over and I got unreasonably angry at the man in front of me, but in particular his pin stripe suit. It was just too much. Today, I got angry at suitcases. You know those wheelie ones?

Well lately I have been noticing some (obviously) very important people trotting around town with those in tow. They have so much stuff to carry to work that they need a wheelie suitcase to fit it all in. The problem I have with this is that they walk slower than usual and drag them like a meter or so behind them. I saw one today and it reminded me of an unfortunate rush-hour annoyance last week. Usually I walk pretty fast and will just go around wheelie bag people if they are walking in front of me, but there's not much you can do when you are walking in a pack through the tunnels of Flinders Street Station and you see them pop up to your right, with their freshly acquired mX paper tucked under their arm and they decide to cut off the whole pack and slowly wheel across in front of you all, and go up the ramp to your left.

By this stage in my life I am pretty spatially aware and I know how much space to give people when walking next to or behind them. I also know that I can keep up my pace and just kind of slither around the back of someone if they are walking across my path. However that's pretty hard to do when someone's personal space increases to like 2 meters square due to the addition of one sporty suitcase. I didn't realise this man had a suitcase so I slowed down to let him pass, and I was about to continue walking just as his body passed mine, when I noticed that if I took one more step I would trip over his suitcase and land on my precious face (possibly with my mouth open from screaming, and my tongue scraping the floor). Obviously I had to abruptly stop walking - a faux pas in peak hour at Flinders - causing someone to bump into me from behind.

It seems like a non-issue, I know, but this shit is what sends some daily peak hour travelers over the edge, man! They have a train to catch. They have a particular seat they need to sit in before that other person who always obliviously steals their seat beats them to it once again, effectively RUINING their whole day. So by stopping, I potentially helped ruined someone's day. I don't want that on my conscience! No way! What if that person finally decided to put those murderous rampage thoughts into practice when they got home? What if they took their annoyance out on their kids by throwing all of their toys into the open fire. Just because you have told you kids a hundred times to pack up their toys before bed or else you would throw them in the fire, it doesn't mean you can actually do it, DAD! I really loved my Barbie horse van :(

thursday thoughts

i was at the old fashioned lolly "shoppe" yesterday buying a dr. pepper for an afternoon treat, when i spotted the PEZ display. I got really excited, especially as there were some Star Wars PEZ dispensers. I bought a Darth Vader one for Josh as a little gift, and came back to work to show everyone how cute it was. One lady here is about 30 and she said "what is THAT!?" and i went "oh he's Darth Vader." and she went "a what..?". This is when i realised that there is actually someone on this planet (exculding the 3rd world of course) who doesn't know what PEZ is. Everyone was astounded because PEZ has been around since the dinosaurs. I found out that it is an Austrian product, first released in 1927 as peppermints for adults. In '55 they put heads on them and marketed them to kiddies, and they went globaaaaal. So, there is no real excuse for not knowing what PEZ is, unless she grew up in a cult in the bush...

my horror was intensified when this fijian man at work also said he didn't know what PEZ was. He said he grew up in fiji and they didn't have them, then when he came here he was too old for lollies. I suppose that's fair enough. this time....

The weather this morning was so bizarre. Well, living my whole life in Melbourne, you think i'd be prepared for some erratic weather patterns. But i am always shocked or suprised by the sudden changes. It was stormy, warm and muggy. It had this tropical feel to it, instantly making me feel as though i was on holidays or something. My whole disposition changed and i have been in a really good mood all day. After about an hour at work i said to the 3 other girls who sit near me "Do you guys feel any different today?". One girl agreed and the other 2 just looked confused and a little scared. I started to explain myself and they breathed a sigh of relief. For some reason they thought i had played a practical joke on them and was waiting for them to realise. Like i had adjusted their seats or poisoned their coffee or something. What the fuck... I'm not some kind of sadist. I just wanted to converse about the weather! jeez!

Also, I have noticed one drawback of having bright red hair. I am a magnet for street corner charity volunteers. I try so hard to avoid talking to these guys cos the only time i am walking in the city is when i am heading somewhere in a hurry and i cant stop and chat! I feel like a bitch going "no thank you...". The first time i rolled with it, signed up and was even a little flattered by the compliments... but last night this guy started waving as i approached, and i was trying to ignore him and hurry for the tram, but he sort of got in my face so i took my headphones off to explain that i already signed up to help the cause yesterday. He insisted on a High-5, and then started asking me heaps of questions about WHO i signed up with, which guy, what did he look like etc etc. Then he put his hand up for another high-5 before i left. and you can't refuse someone a high-5! Damn this hair making me more social and talking to strangers! maybe its a good thing... we'll see.

Ok, I am needing some air. Some sexy steamy muggy melbourne air. haha

social commentary: eavesdroppers and bookreaders

ok so, this morning on the train i had settled into a little 2 seater bench, and this rather large guy comes and sits beside me. That's OK with me cos it was a little cold this morning so the extra body heat was appreciated. What i didn't appreciate however, was the fact that he felt it was OK to read my book whilst i was. I mean, i was reading along, and because he was pressing into my left arm and was quite close I could see him actually looking down at my page! This totally threw me off - I couldn't concentrate and kept reading the same sentence over and over. He just kept on reading. I put my hand over one of the pages (i guess not so subtly) and he quickly looked away. The knowledge that I KNEW he was read-dropping my book didn't even deter him, he just kept reading!! I tried a few different positions with the book so he would get the hint, and eventually he lost interest. Thanks to him I can't remember what happened between pages 513 and 521 of the 5th Harry Potter book. LOLZIES AS.
But I have seen people do this to people playing games on their phones or DS's - just openly leaning over and watching. But some people playing their DS on the train don't think it's neccessary to wear headphones, so you can hear every slaughter, every objective and every grunt of frustration anyway. Maybe they are inviting a crowd..? Who knows. All I know is that people are stoopid

social commentary: the wave

so, imagine you are a pedestrian happily strolling along a city street, perhaps listening to some music or thinking about how much you would love to go to Japan again... it may be a stretch, but please, for the sake of the experiment.. please try. So you get to the corner of your current street and an alley or similar sized small street. As a model citizen, as well as a handsome stroller, with an admirable swagger, you stop at this corner and check for any maniac drivers who may be trying to run you down - intentionally or otherwise...

Suddenly, and surprisingly you see a car coming up the alley wanting to turn out of the street. Then much to your delight, the car slows to a stop and they wave you across. What do you do?

I was always a 'hand up in a half floppy wave but signalling thanks' kind of person, then one day recently i decided to become a "thumbs up" person. I tried it a few times and i think i get more of a kick out of it than the driver would. Which is good, it gives me a moment of joy, even if my joy doesn't project onto others. Ok, so i'm happy being a thumber, yeah, but i often wondered if they would only half see me, and think that I am flipping the bird..? I hope not, because they might run me over.
Anyway! The last few days walking from work to the train station, i have been in this situation where i get signalled to walk infront of a car, and i go to do a thumbs up, but somehow I HAVE PUT UP MY INDEX FINGER! WHAT!!!?? WHYY>?!?!?!! After i do it, I kinda go "why did i just do that..?". i have done this twice, i have no idea why i would raise my index finger, as if to say "just 1 minute..." or if i waggled it it would be like "no,no,nooo!". i feel like such a fool, i hope i don't do it again.. rrrr