fucking fuck fuck

well hello there! It has been a long time, yes yes I know. And I'm very sorry. the reason I have not been blogging is mainly because I have been busy in the lead up to moving house which I am doing from tomorrow onwards. I was using my lunch breaks to get home insurance quotes and calling up various utility companies to organise final readings etc.

THEN as luck would have it, life dealt me a swift kick in the guts on Friday when I discovered my car had been stolen from the train Station after work. I got off the train at about 5pm (as i finished early) and was concentrating very hard on not getting my nice red open toe shoes wet in the puddles and the rain. I was too busy looking down to notice that my car was no longer there. When I did realise, I must say I got slightly frantic and emotional and i paced up and down the rows of cars looking around like a crazy lady. I suddenly remembered that i actually KNEW the exact spot I parked in, because the car in front of mine had parked funny which I noted to myself in the morning. So when I was standing in the spot where my car had been, dripping wet with squelching shoes longing for the umbrella that was in my car, that's when shit became real. I had to call my mum to come and get me, and then we noticed there were police already at the station for another reason, so we waited and chatted to them and made the report. The condescending cop was like "now love, are you sure you didn't just park it in a different spot to usual and forget..?" pffft. as if. So then Josh came too for support and took me home for a hot shower and a cup of tea and some pep-talk. I basically just have to wait now.

It's so shit. Couldn't have happened at a worse time as I am shifting house tomorrow - if i can get a car to use. And I had saved up really hard every week after paying the mortgage, bills, rent, food, train ticket, petrol etc to get like $1,500 which i was planning to use on improvements for the new house. Now I cannot spend any of it in case I have to get a new car or pay my excess for repairs if my car is all smashed up. It is so frustrating that I work hard and do everything properly and keep getting dealt all these massive random blows. I'm getting tired! And there are people out there running around doing all this illegal shit under the radar and they just take everything they want without having to work hard for it. Makes me sick. Maybe they are the smart ones really...? Maybe a life of crime is something I should consider, turn the tables a little... live in a GTA world. Fuck this man.

So yes I'm trying so hard to be positive about my situation. I know it could be sooooo much worse. I know there are people out there in the world who will never own a car. There are people out there who won't even make it to my age. At least i didnt have a loan on my car which i'd have to still pay off. BUT my car is old and i wont get much insurance for it. My mum is really encouraging and keeps saying "things will turn around, something good will happen..." whereas my dad is like "yeep.... life is shit. just one kick after another until you're dead." not even joking, thats what he was saying last night. So yes. I think I will take the rest of the week off work and focus on the house and packing and moving and trying to think how lucky i am to have so many THINGS and my health etc etc.

jade out.